


Everlasting Freedom

by writingpages



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band), past Camren - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-24 05:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13804839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingpages/pseuds/writingpages
Summary: Tragedy sets you back until the right people help you become you again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> mentions of violence and abuse read with caution.

Crash could feel her blood pumping faster as she drifted around the last bend and saw she was a few car lengths ahead. Crash released the e-brake shifted into third and set her sights on the finish line. Crash laughed to herself as she headed to her next win, nope girls can’t race at all. Crash decided to be an ass and slid across the finish line sideways, giving her opponents fans the finger as she did so. Crash got the car in park and climbed out, leaning against the hood of her car waiting for the others to get there. Celine was soon wrapping her arms around Crashs’ waist and laughing with the other girl.

“Well, well, well. It’s about time you three caught up with me.” Crash pulled Celine up with her as the stood in front of the three guys. “I thought you were going to show everyone why girls shouldn’t be racing.” Crash smirked and let go of Celine taking a few steps closer to the three guys.

Crash took the winnings and pink slip that she was handed and placed them in her pocket for safe keeping. “We would have beat you if you wouldn’t have cheated. You slipped through an alley instead of staying on the streets.” Max the biggest of the guys stepped forward.

“We never stated any rules at the start of the race only to get to a certain point and then come back.” Crash smirked at the three but mostly at Max knowing it was him that just lost his car. “I’ll take those keys now though.” Crash stuck out her hand.

“You stupid fucking bitch! I will tell you what you can do with my keys....” before Max could finish three pro wrestling looking guys stepped up to him.

“Are you refusing to abide by the rules?” One of them asked in a deep voice.

Max took a second to take the two guys in. “No. I was just...,” the other guy reached for the keys, “alright fine here.” Max finally handed over the keys with a pissed off look on his face. 

The two pros dropped the keys in Crash’s hand and had smiles on their faces. “Good race kid.” 

“Thanks, Neal.” Crash said turning and giving Celine a knowing look. 

“This isn’t finished yet Crash. You will get what is coming to you.” Crash could feel someone was coming up to her and when she turned she got sucker punched by Max on the left side of her jaw. Crash braced herself against the side of her car.

Crash clenched her fist as she turned to face him again. As Crash thought about throwing a punch the sirens could be heard and everyone started to scatter as someone yelled they were on their way there. “Next time Max you won’t be so lucky.”

Crash turned and found Celine and handed the girl the keys. “Take his car to the garage. Text you later.” Crash kissed her cheek as the other girl got in the newly acquired car.

“LUCY! Lucy! Let’s go NOW!! You can suck his face later.” Crash said as she got back into her car starting it. 

Lucy finally made it into the car and Crash took off like a bat out of hell. Of course, when Crash looked behind her two cops were following her. Crash pushed the car to its limits speeding down the deserted streets at the time. Crash knew she needed to do something.

“Hold on Lu.” Crash said as she slammed on the e-brake making the car do a complete one-eighty and raced back toward the cops.

Of course, the cops not exactly wanting to get into a head-on collision moved out of the way as Crash went flying by, Lucy bounced with adrenaline and excitement in her seat. “Crash! That was a fucking genius move!”

Crash made short work of their getaway and in a cliche move pulled into a parking structure and hid the car between two big trucks. “Lucy grab your stuff. I’ll have DJ pick us up, the car is too hot right now.”

As Crash beeped the car and the two walked out to the street Lucy asked what she had always wondered for the past year. “Crash why do you race?”

If Lucy would have said it any lower Crash wouldn’t have heard her. Crash though actually had to think about it. It was something that they grew up around when they were younger. Something that was always in front of them. Crash remembered that there was always some sort of engine parts laying around. Always two or three motorcycles, anytime she thought of her parents she thought of the smell of grease and the sight of engine parts. Crash knew that she loved going on rides with her real dad, she loved the wind through your hair on the back of a bike. It was like Crash could tune out the world if she went fast enough and only focused on steering.

“I don’t know Lucy. I guess it’s the same rush that I get when we are on stage though. I just feel free. Like nothing can touch me. The adrenaline rush I get when I do win though...I don’t know how to explain it...it’s just a rush. Plus it makes my mind...peaceful. Like I don’t have to hear their voices for the twenty minutes that I am out there. I don’t have to remember anything when I am focusing on a race. It is like nothing bad had happened to me as I race. It is my escape. Plus it is giving us the money that we need to start our lives, Papa’s can’t buy us everything. Even if they want to. Why do you ask now Lu?” Crash answered as she pulled out her phone to text DJ.

Lucy took a minute to take in everything that Crash had said. 

To BearClaw BF4E: Hey pic me n L up at 7/11 on Highland

Crash looked at Lucy when she still hadn’t said anything and could tell Lucy was thinking of the right words when her phone dinged.

To CrashTestDummy: B there in 20

“You know sometimes I think you race just to piss Papa’s off,” Lucy said it like it was that simple. “It almost feels like what you did with our first three sets of fosters. You just weren’t happy and had to piss them off so we would get sent back. I get why you got us kicked out of the first one, I think you still have a few scars from that one. Crash I just worry about you is all. I don’t want this rebellion thing to take you over. I miss my carefree sister a little bit. Please don’t be mad at me.” 

Lucy was looking at the ground as she finished knowing that what she said was probably going to piss Crash off. Lucy knew that Crash needed to hear it though. Crash had the tendency to risk everything as soon as they got comfortable in a home. Lucy knew that it was because of the first two homes that they were placed in. The streets were better than those first two homes.

“I’m not mad Lucy. You really think that is what I’m doing?” Crash asked.

“Sometimes yeah that is what it feels like, but you have learned to close yourself off too. From me even.” Lucy decided that she just need to talk to her sister. Almost like she needed to call her out for almost ruining the best place that they had ever been. They only had two years left till they were eighteen, Lucy needed Crash to cool it until then.

Crash took a few minutes to let everything sink in and for her to really look back at everything that she had done the past few years. The first three families they were placed with were abusive not only physically but mentally as well with everything that they said to Lucy. Crash acted out and of course, they got placed with new families. Lucy was right she did tend to ruin the good stuff that happened in her life. Crash knew that she needed to change the way she approached everything in her life but how do you change a set of behaviors that are in place to protect yourself. Crash knew that Lucy was right and that she needed to cool it with the rebellious attitude, but how when that is all she knew how to do anymore.

Crash stopped Lucy by the arm, “I promise that I will work on it, Lucy. I’m sorry that I’m doing this to you too. I will tone it down. You’re right Papa’s have been the best thing for us these last five years. I don’t know where we would be without them.” Lucy couldn’t hold it anymore and engulfed her twin in a polar bear hug, as they like to call them. Crash could feel every muscle in her body relax into the feeling of Lucy’s hug, it was like Lucy was hugging her soul. 

“Hoi! Are you two just going to stand there all night or get in the car and come with me to the family barbecue?” Dinah yelled at her best friends as she pulled up beside them.

Crash pulled back and gave Lucy a kiss on the forehead, “I promise Lucy I will get better for you. Then we will have a better life.”

Lucy just pulled Crash with her to the car, “We have a better life now with Papa’s if you would just settle down and enjoy it. But thank you for being the strong one.”

“You are strong too Lucy. You just haven’t found the right time to shine yet, per say. But trust me you are my shining star and shine the brightest that I have ever seen. I love you, but let’s go because I am starving.” Crash said as she basically pushed Lucy into the back seat and climbed in the front with Dinah.

“So how much did you make tonight?” Dinah asked driving home. 

“I think around five grand.” Crash said nonchalantly as she just watched out the window. 

“Sweet,” Dinah said knowing that Crash had enough money for Lucy’s car now.

Crash was quiet the whole way to Dinah’s house thinking about what Lucy had told her. Was Crash actually making it harder on Lucy and herself by getting kicked out of the foster homes? Did Crash ruin something great for Lucy? Crash was worried that no matter what she did from here on out was going to affect Lucy, Crash made herself a promise, no more screwing up and making everyone upset with her, especially Lucy.

“Crash...Crash....yo dummy. Earth to Crash.” Lucy nudged Crash through the window. 

“Huh...Oh, we’re here already?” Crash was knocked out of her thoughts as they pulled up.

“Wow well okay then, see if I pick you up again,” Dinah said.

“Sorry Dinah, I was just thinking about what Lucy said to me earlier. Got caught up in my head.” Crash said as they walked through the front door.

Crash and Dinah laughed as Lucy got drug off by all of the kids. “I guess I’ll see you guys in a little bit.” Lucy through over her shoulder as she disappeared around the corner. Crash and Dinah made their way to Dinah’s room to collect all of her winnings to go get Lucy’s part for her car tomorrow. Crash couldn’t wipe the smile off of her face at the thought of getting Lucy the perfect birthday present. 

“When are you getting the part?” Crash asked as they made it into Dinah’s room.

“Papa and I are getting it tomorrow morning and will be back around lunch time so you have time to install it,” Dinah said as she jumped on her bed and started typing away on her phone.

Crash just smiled and made her way to the closet to put her winnings with all the rest she had saved. “Sweet. You are a lifesaver, Dinah Jane.” 

“Just don’t forget that you owe me one.” Dinah laughed as Crash jumped on the bed with her and almost missed and fell on the floor.

Crash nervously held the little jewelry box in her hand and hesitated to open it. “Thanks for keeping this safe for me.” Crash opened the box and ran her finger along the chain down to the simple small heart locket that held a picture of her parents. Crash never did open the locket, she made Dinah make sure the picture was the right one. 

“You know I would do anything for you Apple. Are you giving this to Lucy tomorrow?” Dinah said noticing the saddened look on her best friends face.

“Yeah, Lucy thinks that it got lost at our first foster home. I just never had the money to get it fixed and now that I have I can’t wait to give it to her.” Crash said with watery eyes but not letting herself cry.

“Lucy will love it.” Dinah gave Crash a hug trying to comfort her friend. 

“HOI!! D! C! FOOD!” Dinah’s mom yelled from down the hall and both girls jumped up knowing that if they didn’t they’d be in trouble.

Crash placed the jewelry box in her backpack and then went to join the others in the backyard. Crash walked out back and leaned against one of the posts of the deck and watched Lucy sitting at the kids' table feeding and playing with all of them. Crash knew that Lucy was the one with the nurturing gene out of the two of them. Crash didn’t want this moment to end but knew it would. Crash couldn’t wait to do all of this again tomorrow for Lucy’s birthday. Even though they were twins they were born on separate days making it easier for Crash to spoil her sister rotten. 

“Crash! Crash, what are you doing?” one of Dinah’s little brothers broke Crash out of her thoughts.

“Just enjoying everything about today. Now come on let’s get some food.” Crash ushered the boy back to his plate and went to make her own and enjoyed the rest of the evening with who she considered her family.

Crash tried everything she could to salvage the breakfast the next morning but Papa’s had distracted her with an early present and she went in the garage to see if she could get it on the car before remembering that she was cooking. Crash got back to breakfast just in time to throw it away because it was all burnt to a crisp. Crash fixed a bowl of cereal for Lucy when she came down and Lucy just laughed at Crash because of course, the other girl had car grease all over her face. Lucy loved that Crash tried every year to give her a great birthday, Lucy was curious about what was in store later but first, she had to find Crash’s present.

“I’m so sorry Crash. I can’t believe it’s not in here,” Lucy gave Crash a big hug hoping the younger one wouldn’t be mad.

“Don’t worry about it Lu, we’ll find it later. Let’s just get to the party shall we?” Crash said as she wiped a single tear from Lucy’s cheek.

“Alright then get out of here Crash. I need to change.” Lucy said pushing Crash out of her room.

Crash never was one for appearances and getting all fancy as Lucy and Dinah would put it, so Crash went downstairs to the garage to do what she did best. Papa’s just laughed as they heard Crash turn on the music and crawl under her car.

“She will have grease all over her in two minutes, won’t she?” Papa G said to his husband sitting on the couch next to him.

“Most likely all over her face,” Papa Q said as they both started laughing knowing it was the truth.

Soon the party was in full swing with tons of people littered across the backyard enjoying the barbecue and just lounging around enjoying the company. Dinah left her family at the car knowing they would go to the backyard and Dinah made her way to the garage. Dinah just smiled to herself as she found Crash right where she thought. 

“Yo grease monkey you do realize there’s a party right out back that is literally for you and Lucy?” Dinah tried to get Crash’s attention. Crash didn’t even budge a bit from what Dinah said.

Dinah figured that Crash must have her earbuds in, and did the next best thing and kicked Crash in the foot. “Ow...SHIT!” Dinah laughed as Crash made her way out from under the car, that was until Dinah saw Crash’s face.

“What the hell DJ!”, Crash headed for the bathroom holding her face and trying not to bump into anyone on the way.

“Dinah, what happened? Why is Crash bleeding?” Papa Q asked Dinah as Crash ran by.

“I’m pretty sure she bounced her face off the engine of Lucy’s car when I scared her,” Dinah answered as they all made it into the bathroom.

“How bad is it Crash?” Papa Q asked.

Crash lowered the towel from her face but quickly put it back on when she felt the blood running down her face again. “Dinah go get Papa G please.”

“Is it that bad Papa?” Crash mumbled through the towel worried she ruined the party.

“That is what I am here for,” Papa Q lowered the towel from Crash’s face, “Now let’s see how bad it is.”

“Alright this is going to hurt we need to set it back,” Papa Q said as he held Crash’s face gently between his hands.

“Okay Papa,” Crash said softly with a worried look on her face.

Papa Q noticed that Dinah had made it back to the bathroom along with Papa G in tow. “Dinah tell me what the itinerary for this weekend is.” Papa G wanted to distract Crash from what Papa Q was going to do.

Dinah started talking but Papa Q could still feel how tense Crash was. Papa’s knew that this wasn’t working. “Oh My God! Crash what happened?” Lucy shouted when she saw all the blood.

With the interruption from Lucy Crash relaxed enough and Papa Q set Crash’s nose back in place. Crash said nothing as it popped back into place, Crash turned away from everyone else and punched the counter as she dropped to her knees on the bathroom floor. Crash was trying to hold back the tears as she soon felt Lucy by her side rubbing her back trying to help calm her down.

“Lucy give her a second to catch her breath. I’m sure that really hurt.” Papa Q said having done many nose resettings in his career. 

“Okay Papa,” Lucy said and Crash finally turned and hugged her sister. Crash held on tight for a few minutes to collect herself.

“How bad does it look?”, Crash asked pulling away from Lucy’s embrace and lowered the towel for Lucy to see.

Lucy smiled bright knowing that Crash loved looking like a bad ass. “Oh, I’m pretty sure you are going to have two black eyes from it.”

“Sweet,” Crash and Lucy laughed as they stood up. “Papa, why won’t it stop bleeding?”

“It looks like you need a stitch or two,” Papa Q moved to get his kit out from under the sink, “Alright everyone go and enjoy the party we will be right behind you.”

Lucy and Dinah walked back to the party, “Dinah she already has the beginnings of two black eyes. Do you think she will be able to play tomorrow?” Lucy was concerned knowing how much this competition meant to Crash.

Dinah stopped Lucy by the hand in the living room, “I think that Crash will be just fine, you know she won’t let anything stop her from playing. I just hope she’ll forgive me for breaking her nose.” Dinah had tears in her eyes as she tried not to think of Crash not playing tomorrow.

“I’m fine DJ just a little headache,” Crash hugged Dinah from behind hearing the distress in her voice.

Dinah turned in Crash’s arms and hugged her best friend tight pulling back after a minute to get a good look at what she had done. Lucy was right the two black eyes were already starting to shine through and the gash across the middle of her nose looked like it was held together with super glue. “I’m really sorry Crash,” Dinah couldn’t help the tears she felt horrible about breaking Crash’s nose.

“It’s fine Dinah,” Crash grabbed Dinah be the cheeks and kissed the taller girls forehead relaxing Dinah, “now if you would have hurt my hand then there would be a problem.”

The three girls laughed and made their way outside to enjoy the rest of the party. The party finally died down and Lucy made off to her boyfriends' house, Dinah and Crash hung out in the garage like always as Crash put the finishing touches on her motorcycle. 

“and the winners are.....Everlasting Freedom! Girls please come up here and get your prize!” The announcer shouted out and the whole place went up in applause and cheering.

“We won!” Lucy jumped up and down in front of Crash and Dinah. “Crash we did it!”

Crash was just standing there with a huge smile on her face lost on what she wanted to do right at the moment. Well, that was until Lucy and Dinah tackled her to the ground snapping her out of her funk. Dinah wasn't supposed to be backstage with them but dare anyone to try and stop her and Crash from doing something. “Apple! I told you!! I told You you could do it!!”

Crash just smirked at Dinah and kissed her. Crash pulled back from Dinah, “We freaking won, DJ!! We freaking won!!” 

Crash and Lucy got themselves up and went to center stage. Dinah made her way off to the side waiting for the announcement she always knew would come to her friends.

“Congratulations girls! How are you feeling right now?”

“So great right now! This amazing and a dream come true!!” Lucy tried to hold her composure and not jump up and down.

Crash laced her fingers with Lucy knowing that it will help calm her down. Crash zoned out a few of the other questions until Lucy squeezed her hand. “Care to tell us how you got the shiners?”

Crash just laughed and shook her head, “Let’s just say best friends are there for a reason.”

“Well congratulations again girls and believe me when I say we all can’t wait to hear your songs on the radio,” the announcer ended the questions and gestured for them to take the stage again, “so again everyone this is Everlasting Freedom!”

Crash and Lucy played two more songs for the crowd and had a hard time wanting to leave the stage. When they finally left the stage they ran straight to Dinah and jumped around in circles with her till someone cleared their throat behind them. 

“So girls shall we have a talk with your parents?”

Crash stopped jumping instantly. “Yes, sir Mr. Cowell. I’ll go and get them.”

“Call me Simon and meet me in that room right over there when you find them,” Simon told the girls and as soon as he was in the room they all took off like a shot to get their Papa’s.

Crash, Lucy and Papa’s all sat through a long meeting with Simon Cowell and listened with open minds. Crash and Lucy signed on the dotted line as Simon wanted them signed as soon as possible. Lucy and Crash couldn’t wipe the smiles off their faces when they left the conference room.

“Dinah! We did it! Lucy and I are officially signed, we got a record deal and everything!!” Crash couldn’t stop herself and jumped up and down around Dinah and Lucy soon joined in.

“Alright stop it you two,” Dinah said as she grabbed the closest twin and stopped them. “You’re making me dizzy. So what are we doing to celebrate?”

“I want to go get something to eat because we have been here all day and they had crap food. Then I want to go home and celebrate with my hot ass boyfriend.” Dinah and Crash just looked at each other and started laughing.

Dinah and Crash were in stitches laughing at Lucy as she stood there with crossed arms trying to mean mug the two laughing girls. “Alright Cupcake we will get you some food. Then I will take you to see your precious Joshy.” Crash teased her sister causing Dinah to chuckle even more. 

Lucy reached over and smacked Crash, “shut up ass face. I seem to remember someone getting hooked on someone till they told you to fuck off.”

Crash turned from Lucy and Dinah and started packing her equipment not saying a word. Lucy knew then that she had punched Crash’s buttons even though she didn’t necessarily mean it like that. Crash had used going out with a girl to get Lucy out of trouble for being out with Josh later than curfew. Crash never expected her last set of foster parents to call the other girls parents. Georgina and Crash had been hanging out for a while figuring things out, the next day Georgina basically dumped Crash in front of the whole school. Georgina effectively outed Crash to the world that day. Crash knew Lucy was just trying to tease her back but for some reason, it hurt Crash more today than other days.

“Lucy!” Dinah said noticing the way Crash was acting.

“Sorry Crash you know I didn’t mean it that way. I just get defensive when you two tease me about Josh.” Lucy grabbed Crash from behind hugging her tight, “Please don’t hate me like hey used too.”

Crash turned and hugged Lucy back, “Don’t you ever say that again. Never in a million years will I ever hate you like they did. Never in a million years could I ever hate anything about you. It’s you and me against the world, Lucy. It always has been and it always will be.”

Dinah watched the two from the side smiling at her two best friends, “Hey aren’t I with you against the world too?”

Crash opened the hug up to Dinah and she joined the two sisters, “Yeah and Dinah too.” The three girls laughed and made their way out of the arena to go and get something to eat and celebrate.

In the next two months, Lucy and Crash were rushed around doing interviews and crammed into studios recording an album. Crash faded out of the racing scene as much as she could, mostly because she didn’t have the time to do it.

Dinah and Crash were hanging out and working on fixing Lucy’s car having a discussion about Dinah’s audition song. “Dinah you sound amazing. No way you won’t win the whole thing and then we can tour the world together.” Crash said as she started to fill Lucy’s car with oil.

“You really think so?” Dinah asked as she paced back and forth across the dirty yet organized garage running her fingers over a wrench that Crash had just sat down.

“Yes Dinah,” Crash wiped her hands on a towel and grabbed Dinah’s face and kissed her again, “You. Are. Amazing!” Crash emphasized every word.

“Crash what have I told you about kissing me,” Crash backed up and dropped her eyes to the ground, “I get it my little Apple Pie but you know that we are just friends. I still love you though Crash.”

“I know I’m sorry Bearclaw it just looked like you needed it.” Dinah was about to respond when Crash’s phone rang.

“Lucy?” Crash answered hearing the crying from the other side of the line, “what’s wrong?”

“I...Cra....please,” Lucy said through the sobbing.

“I’ll be right there,” Crash threw her towel on the workbench and started trying to find her keys.

“Dinah I have to go, it’s Lucy.” Crash was running out of the garage before Dinah could really move.

“Alright, call me when you get back,” Dinah finally got out and Crash just nodded as she got into her car and took off to get to Lucy.

It took Crash no time at all to get across town to where Lucy was. Crash saw Lucy on the front porch with her knees pulled up to her chest. Crash noticed Lucy was crying as she ran up to the porch. “Ouch! Holy shit that hurts a lot more then what they show in the movies!” Crash shook out her hand after punching Josh in the face.

“What the hell?!” Josh yelled out as he grabbed at the railing trying not to fall from the force of the punch. Before Josh had a chance to react though Crash kneed him in the groining and he fell down to the porch in a heap.

Crash knelt down to Josh’s level on the porch, “If you ever think about coming near my sister again it will be the last thing that you ever do. So lose her number, forget her name and look over your shoulder every day because when you least expect it I will be there to warn the next girl about you.”

Lucy hadn’t moved since Crash got there and Crash was worried about her. Crash went to Lucy and knelt down beside her and lightly touched Lucy’s shoulder. Lucy jumped away from the touch now knowing it was Crash. “Lucy babe it’s just me. It’s just me Sugar Cookie.”

Crash hadn’t used the nickname in a long while and it broke Lucy out of her trance, Lucy latched on to Crash and started to break down again. “Alright come on let’s get you out of here. He won’t mess with you anymore.”

Lucy let Crash carry her to the car and then slipped into the backseat just wanting to lay down for a while. “Can we take the long way home Crash?” Lucy didn’t feel like talking to anybody just yet and knew that Crash would understand and just play music in the car for her.

“Of course, go to sleep. I’ll let you know when we get there.” Crash answered as she drove off to their thinking spot.

Crash felt the tears running down her cheeks. How could she let Lucy get hurt? How could she have not known? Crash had made a promise to always protect Lucy and now she felt like she broke the only true promise she had given Lucy. Crash pulled up to the clearing that overlooked the city and climbed into the back with Lucy. “Do you want to talk about it Lu?”

Lucy just shook her head no, got out of the car and leaned against the hood with her arms crossed. “Okay, I get it. Whenever you’re ready I’m here.” Crash leaned against the car with Lucy.

Lucy just nodded and tried not to cry anymore, “I just didn’t want to do it Crash. Then things got out of hand and he wouldn’t stop yelling.” Crash was broke out of her own thoughts when Lucy started talking ten minutes later.

Lucy sunk to the ground holding her knees to her chest. Crash moved down to the ground with her and placed an arm around her waist pulling her close, “It’s fine Lucy we don’t have to talk about it.”

Lucy and Crash sat in silence for the next few hours. Crash was just about to say something when she felt Lucy’s head slump to her shoulder. Lucy was sound asleep when Crash looked at her twin. Crash moved as slowly as she could and picked Lucy up and laid her down in the back seat throwing a blanket over Lucy before she started driving home after sending Dinah a text.

Crash was driving home and smiled to herself when she heard the soft snores from the backseat. Crash calmed down a little knowing that Lucy hadn’t been physically hurt. Crash was slowing down knowing she should take her time and let Lucy relax when headlights showed up behind her. Crash knew something was up when the truck turned on every light and proceeded to turn on their brights. Crash was having a hard time seeing when she noticed another vehicle coming from the left heading straight for them. Crash had no time to react before the car was rolling and was stopped by a tree.

“No...no...no...Luucccyyyyy!!!!!” Crash bolted upright out of bed shaking and covered in sweat.

Crash saw that it was three in the morning and her first instinct what to call Dinah. Crash knew that her best friend was really busy though and decided against it. Crash decided to go for a run, with the music turned up loud Crash took off. Before Crash knew it it was six thirty and her house was starting to come back into view. Crash came up to her front yard and fell over on the grass relaxing and trying to catch her breath.

Crash was trying to catch her breath as she laid there with an arm across her eyes because the sun was killing her right now.

“Oh my God! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” A girl’s raspy voice was laced with concern as Crash feels the girl looking for her pulse.

“I’m fine. Just thought I could go for a run in my own neighborhood without being bothered.” Crash spit it out not caring if she hurt the other girls' feelings or not. Crash stared the other girl down and she grasped.

“What? What are you looking at?” Crash asked because the girl wouldn’t say anything.

“No, no...it’s just...your eyes are captivating. But are you sure that you’re okay?” Crash finally really looked at the green-eyed girl as the other girl looked down at the scar on Crash stomach when her shirt rode up.

“That line never works, and yeah I was fine until some mosey green-eyed beautiful girl came over and started questioning me at the ass crack of dawn.” Crash said as she adjusted her shirt.

Crash and the other girl both stood up together, “sorry it just looked like you passed out from across the street.”

“Yeah well not everyone needs saving,” Crash spit out walking to her house. Crash knew that it was Lauren and damn was she beautiful up close and personal. Crash also knew that she blew it with the girl now. Crash also knew that if Lauren was home then most likely Dinah was on a break. Crash made her way inside and tried to get ahold of her best friend.


	2. Chapter 2

Crash knew that it was going to be another long day. Crash could feel it in her whole attitude, her whole demeanor. Crash knew what she needed to do but was hoping she wouldn’t affect her friend in any way.

To Bearclaw: Hey its been a while...I know my fault. Are you awake? I need to talk. 

Crash decided that DJ was probably super busy with something or another or catching some rest so she went ahead and got inside the shower. Crash was hoping that it would help her relax and ease her attitude. Crash closed her eyes and let the water stream down her face immersing in the sound of the running water. Crash felt some of her muscles relax in the heat. Crash started to wash the dirt and grime off her body and slowly traced the lines on her torso trying not to remember how she got them. 

Crash had changed everything about herself when she moved to Miami. Crash didn’t want anyone to ever think they could change her or defeat her. Crash went from that little plump not so confident teenager to lifting every day and eating everything the right way. Crash looked at the eight pack she now sported and wished that she would have done things earlier in life so maybe just maybe she could have helped Lucy.

Crash was now the smart ass that everyone had a laugh around, everyone expected her to be the rowdy and feisty one at any party. Crash played it up for all that she was worth so that no one could figure her out. So that no one would ever break through her walls. Crash even went as far as never letting anyone see her scars, she figured if no one saw them or knew about them then no one could ask questions. 

It had been two years since the accident and yet Crash felt like it just happened yesterday. Each nightmare that Crash endured felt like she was thrown back into the real thing reliving that night every night. Crash only truly slept when she would exhaust herself to the point where she had to sleep to function the next day. Crash knew she needed help but refused to get it.

Living in California wasn’t the right fit for Crash she truly believed that now that she was in Florida. Crash hated that she moved away from Papa’s and Dinah’s family, Crash just couldn’t handle having the memories thrown in her face every time she turned a corner or even just hanging out with her friends. Crash never did tell Dinah that she moved though, she kept telling everyone that she would but she never really got around to it. Needless to say, the Freedom that Lucy and Crash always wanted felt tainted to Crash.

Crash could hear her phone going berserk so she decided she had tormented Dinah enough by not answering and dried off when she got out of the shower. Drying her hands and slinging the towel around her waist Crash grabbed her phone and walked into her bedroom.

From Bearclaw: Yeah I’m up it’s like 7 where I’m at. What’s wrong?

Crash did it start again? When? How bad? Are you getting help yet?

Crash Apple Rodgers if you don’t text me back in the next five minutes I will send my mom after you or worse Papas. Then I will find a way to get there   
and beat you myself.

Crash laughed and answered Dinah as soon as she got the last message.

To Bearclaw: Whoa!! Calm down there slugger. I was in the shower. 

Wait!!! It’s seven????

Where are you right now??

From Bearclaw: We’re in Miami baby! At about four this morning to be exact. Early mornings suck!!

To Bearclaw: What? Where at in Miami?

Crash started drying herself off faster and got dressed in her usual jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers. All the while making sure that she paid attention to what Dinah was messaging.

From Bearclaw: At the Hilton downtown. Why? What is going on? Are you going to talk or are you going to ignore me?

Crash smiled to herself and knew exactly what she was going to do. Crash ran a brush through her hair and tucked her favorite ball cap in her back pocket before she made her way to the garage and sat on her bike thinking of any excuse to give Dinah.

To Bearclaw: Hey someone’s at the door with a delivery. Give me thirty and I will call you.

From Bearclaw: Fine. Okay. But if you don’t call I will.

To Bearclaw: Okay cool!

Crash placed her phone in her pocket strapped her helmet on and made her way to the hotel.

 

Lauren grabbed her bags and wandered into the house and took and deep inhale of what home smells like. Lauren loved that smell even if to her it was missing something that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Lauren was a little lost in thought as she made her way into the house trying to figure out what just happened with the rude girl across the street. Lauren was curious why the girl had such a huge chip on her shoulder and was also deeply curious about why her eyes looked so pained. Anyone could see that the girl was hurting. Lauren hoped that she wasn’t being abused or something as horrible as that. Then again something must have happened with that big scar that was on the girl and it didn’t look medical persay to Lauren. 

“Lauren is that you?” Lauren nearly jumped back out the door when her dad spoke not realizing he had walked into the room. “Whoa! You okay there?” Mike engulfed Lauren in a hug when she smiled and laughed with her dad.

“Yeah, Papa everything is okay. I missed you.” Lauren waited for her dad to stop embracing her. In truth Lauren loved her dads hug they always made her feel like she was safe and truly loved. The way that only a dad can hug you. Like nothing would ever hurt you while he was there. “We finish the first half of our tour here and have a three-month break to record the album before we head out again. So we get to spend quality time together for the next few months.” 

Lauren just smiled as her dad hugged her again. “That is great your mother and siblings will be so excited to get some time with you. Taylor will be so excited. We should surprise her one night.” Mike was already planning a huge barbecue in his head.

“That would be great,” Lauren said as they moved further into the house.

“This is now one of the best days I 've had, all my babies back home. So do you have the morning off or something?” Mike asked helping Lauren drag her bag to the laundry room.

“Yeah, we have an off morning. I just wanted to be home for a little while. Plus I had to find out if mom really does miss doing extra laundry.” Mike and Lauren laughed as the shut the laundry door and made their way to the kitchen.

“Your mother will be so happy”, Mike said sarcastically.

“I will come by tomorrow or the next day and take care of it,” Lauren grabbed something to drink out of the fridge and leaned back against the counter, “When did someone move in across the street? That house has been empty for what a year now?”

“It was about six months ago I think that she moved in. Crash is quiet and keeps to herself for the most part. Really if you saw her once that is it for the next month it feels like. She seems to go somewhere most nights and doesn’t return until the early mornings. Pretty sure she works nights.” Mike informed Lauren as he offered Lauren some pancakes and got back to eating his own.

“Oh...okay.” Lauren was a little disappointed that she wouldn’t get to meet the saddened girl again. “Well I have to get back we only had a short break this morning and I have interviews before performing tonight. Will you all be there tonight?”

“Yeah, we’ll be there see you tonight honey.” Mike walked Lauren to the door and made sure she got in her car before walking back inside.

Lauren drove back to the hotel thinking about the girl she had met that morning and how she knew someone with that name but wasn’t quite placing where she knew that name from. Lauren parked her car and when she walked through the lobby she saw Camila with her forehead pressed to someone else’s and was curious if it was the mysterious girlfriend or not. Lauren wanted to stay and try to ease drop but the conversation was in hush tones and looked kind of serious. Lauren decided she would go see what Dinah was up to and see if the other girl knew anything about this girlfriend of Camila’s.

 

Crash got to the hotel and walked into the front desk and of course, they had no one there under Dinah Jane. Crash forgot sometimes that the girls were famous and she couldn’t just say I’ve known the girl since I was in diapers. People just didn’t care to listen to the supposedly made up story. So Crash did the next best thing.

To BananaSplit: Hey can you come down to the lobby, but don’t tell anyone what you’re doing.

From BananaSplit: OMG!! Crash!! You’re in Miami!! I will be right down!!??!!!

Crash just laughed and leaned against the check-in desk waiting for Camila to come down. Crash turned and started flirting with the receptionist that was taking over when she felt someone jump on her back. Crash smiled at the all to familiar weight, “Hey Monkey, how are you? I missed you.”

Crash felt that Camila wasn’t going to let go anytime soon and spun the shorter girl from her back to her front so that she could hug her friend back. Camila snuggled into Crash tighter sinking her head into the nook of Crash neck and taking a big inhale of the scent that she had missed dearly. “I can’t believe that you’re here. It’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you so much. Why are you out here? When are you leaving?”

Crash just held on tight missing the feeling of someone she cared about hugging her. “Okay, one I missed you too. Dinah doesn’t know that I am here yet. Three too many questions calm down monkey. Oh and I moved out here to Miami six months ago, all the memories were just too much for me to handle right now.” Crash dropped Camila to the floor as they talked and sat down in the lobby away from prying eyes and ears. As they sat Crash dropped her eyes to the floor, the only people that she even remotely talked about Lucy with was Camila and Dinah.

Camila had found out about Lucy when Crash had a nightmare and started talking to Dinah about the dream. Camila couldn’t just lay in the next bed and pretend that one of her new friends was hurting so she had engulfed that other girl in a bear hug that night and whispered encouraging words that Crash had only really ever heard from family before. Ever since then Camila was a sister to her just like Dinah had always been to her and Lucy.

Camila intertwined her fingers with Crash’s, “Apple there is no need to explain to me. There is no way any of us will ever judge you for moving on with your life. Please tell me that you stopped fighting though.” Camila wasn’t too surprised when Crash looked up at her and was sporting the tail ends of a black eye and a gash across her eyebrow. “Well, that is a no. Crash I am worried about you. Is there anything that I can do to help you? With anything?”

Camila raised Crash’s chin again to look in the girls' eyes and rested their foreheads together. Crash felt herself relax a little when Camila did this move, Crash knew that Dinah taught it to the girls. Crash knew that she had been holding her thoughts in for too long this time and decided that she would just spill some of it to the smaller girl. “No. I don’t think I am okay. I miss my two best friends, and the only way to truly be around them again is to pick my guitar back up. It makes me bust up in tears every time that I try to play again though. The only reason I think Simon is laying off is that I keep giving him songs. He likes them but I think he is antsy for me to perform again.”

Crash took a breathe calming the tears that threatened to spill, “ You know Lucy was the one that bred life into our songs. I always fed off of her and her stupid smile while we were performing. I don’t think I will know how to perform without her.”

Camila pulled Crash into a bone-crushing hug. Crash took a deep breath and sighed into Camila’s neck. “Wait the day is coming up, isn’t it? Are the dreams getting really bad again?”

“I don’t know....maybe.” Crash didn’t exactly want to talk about it.

“Well listen to me okay. You have every right in the world to miss someone that was as beautiful as your sister. I mean you were twins you had a connection that so many people know nothing about. I could never imagine losing my best friend. I would be a complete mess.” Crash looked at Camila like she was hurt and placed her hands over her heart in mock pain.

Camila slapped Crash's arm away, “ that was not aimed at you and you know it. You are worth everything in the world to me. I smile every time I get a midnight text from you. Crash you are one of the many people in this world that didn’t deserve any of the bad shit that happened to them. I know that you’re putting up this wall so that no one new in your life can see that real you. I get it. Think about it though, what if the one person that is meant to make you better is right in front of you. I mean how do you know that there isn’t someone out there that could make you feel whole again.” Camila squeezed Crash’s hands that she was holding hoping the taller girl was really listening to her. “All I’m saying Crash is that you need to stop punching every new person away and maybe then you wouldn’t be...so anti....well everything all the time. I love you Crash Apple Rodgers and I want to see the truly happy version of yourself. The one that Dinah told me about. I want the carefree amazing thoughtful Crash to come and join the world again.”

Crash couldn’t control the few tears that slipped past her hold as Camila talked to her. Somehow Camila always had a way of making Crash think and really just accept the life that she was given. So many times Camila just somehow always knew what to say to calm Crash down. Camila reached over and wiped the tears from Crash’s cheeks, “Holy shit! I knew it, the big bad ass Crash has feelings and emotions who would’ve thought.”

Crash smacked Camila’s hand away from her face, “alright I get it. Now let’s go find Dinah and surprise the shit out of her.”

Lauren knocked on Dinah’s door waiting to talk about Camila’s girlfriend none of them had ever met yet. “Hoi I’m coming hold on.”

“Oh hey, Lauren, what’s up?” Dinah said as she let Lauren into her room.

“Nothing really just spotted Camila in the lobby looking very comfortable with someone.” Lauren laid down on Camila’s bed with her hands behind her head waiting for Dinah’s reaction.

Dinah jumped over next to Lauren, “well don’t just lay there. Give me all the details. Did you recognize her? Did you hear them say anything?”

“No it looked like it was a very intense conversation and something that didn’t need to be interrupted,” Lauren informed her nosey bandmate as she leaned up on her elbows to talk. “If it was her girlfriend anyone could have snapped a picture of them. I mean the girl had on a backward baseball cap and they were leaning their foreheads together. It looked very intimate. They were just sitting in the lobby right in front of the windows.”

“That is a little naive of her, but hey it’s her life.” Dinah and Lauren both laughed. “So care to tell me what is on your mind besides just running into Camila in the lobby?” Dinah asked hearing Lauren sigh for the second time.

Lauren laid back down on the bed throwing one arm over her eyes, “umm I kind of met a girl this morning.”

Dinah leaned on her elbow facing Lauren from her bed. “Well don’t hold anything back tell me everything.” Dinah was getting excited.

“Alright calm down. Let’s see the girl had just got back from a run I believe and it looked like to me that she collapsed. I went over to her and it seemed like she was annoyed maybe even pissed off that I wanted to help her. I mean she literally told me that not everyone needs saving and then got up and walked away from me.” Dinah was completely involved in Lauren’s story. “But Dinah I looked into her eyes...this girl looked like she needed to be...maybe not saved...but maybe just needed a friend.”

Dinah got up and laid next to Lauren and pulled her into a hug, “well that sucks Lo because it seems like you are hooked already. Let me guess you never got her name did you?”

Lauren just lets her cheeks turn red and Dinah laughed, “No, I really don’t want to be hooked. Dinah, there was just something about her when I put my hand on her pulse to make sure she was okay. It was like a volt shot through me and I think it did her too because I felt her pulse quicken.” 

“Oh Lo you have got it so bad,” Dinah just leaned up against the headboard laughing at Lauren. After a while, both girls got lost in their own thoughts. Lauren started playing with her phone trying to see if she could find anything about the mystery girl she met this morning. Dinah again pulled out her phone and started to try and get ahold of Crash realizing that her friend had yet to call her back. Dinah had just got finished sending a text to Crash when something Lauren said triggered in her mind.

“Wait...what exactly did this girl with Camila look like? Was she tall and could you see her eyes?” Dinah started rambling off questions but before Lauren could answer Camila came through the door.

“Hey Dinah I have someone that really wants to see you,” Camila said and Dinah heard the all to familiar ring tone from the doorway.

Dinah ran to the door confusing Lauren all the more at the two girls antics. “Crash!!”

“Oh hey Lauren,” Camila said moving into the room and laying next to the girl on her bed, “whatcha doing here?”

“Nothing just talking to Dinah about someone I met this morning,” Lauren said but still didn’t look from her phone at everything that was going on.

“Crash!! Is it really you?!!” Dinah said as she saw her best friend and ran to jump into her arms. Crash caught Dinah and twirled her around in her arms. 

“Yeah DJ it’s me, it’s me,” Crash just held on to her best friend inhaling the long lost scent of mangos and coconuts not wanting to miss that smell ever again.

Lauren sat up at the name Dinah used. “No way,” Lauren said as she tried to peak around the door and see if she was right.

“What are you talking about Lauren?” Camila asked.

“Crash is the name of the girl that I ran into this morning at my house. There is no way this is happening.” Lauren said and fell back onto the bed knowing that Dinah was going to tease her endlessly for the next week or so.

Camila just sat confused at why Lauren was freaking out a little bit but laughed as Dinah and Crash made their way fully into the room and they both sat side by side on Dinah’s bed. Crash and Dinah both couldn’t stop laughing. Crash soon noticed the girl Lauren from earlier and got up to check the girl’s pulse. 

“Hey, are you okay? Are you hurt?” Crash teasingly asked Lauren as Crash reached for Lauren’s neck to check her pulse. 

Lauren dropped the arm from across her face and just glared at Crash in your not so funny kind of way. “Well, it’s good to know that the rude girl from earlier has some humor.”

Crash just laughed as she jumped on the bed and laid with her head in Camila’s lap, Camila instinctively took Crash’s hat off and ran her fingers through Crash’s hair. “Crash be nice to Lauren she has a good heart, she cares about people.” Camila defended.

Crash flinched from Camila hitting her and just shrugged her shoulders. “So care to tell me what you are doing in Miami now? Why didn’t you tell me that you moved? Of all the people I heard it from it was Lauren.” Dinah immediately started questioning Crash as she closed the door and sat on the bed with all the girls.

Crash dropped her hat over her face so Dinah couldn’t see her eyes knowing they would give everything away, “I just needed a break from Cali. It was beginning to just be too much.” Crash tensed and Camila felt it knowing that everything must really be bothering her friend.

“I get it Crash,” Dinah removed Crash’s hat and sat in on the bed between her and Lauren, “I still don’t know why you didn’t tell me. I’m your best friend. I would have been on your side and listened to anything about everything no matter when.” Dinah looked like she was almost in tears. 

Crash took Dinah’s hand and squeezed letting Dinah know that she heard her, “I know that DJ, and you know that I have always felt like it would be a burden to you. For me to just lay everything out there, you know I have always tried to figure it all out on my own. I didn’t want you to worry about me while you are living your dream, I just wanted you to be amazing.” Crash closed her eyes and tried to hold back the tears she felt coming on.

Crash felt the bed shift and then three sets of arms were engulfing her, Crash knew that she was going to be bombarded by Camila and Dinah but she all but forgot that Lauren was there too. Crash though just let the girls hug her and comfort her with their kind words. “Crash you never have been nor will you ever be a burden to me. You are my sister in every way but blood, and you always will be. I love you Crash.” 

“I know Dinah, me too.” Crash said as the girls let go and drifted back to their original spots.

“Alright well, you and I are going to talk. So want to walk with me?” Dinah all but told Crash exactly what she was going to do.

“Okay let’s walk then,” Crash got up to follow Dinah.


	3. Chapter 3

The searing pain went through Crash’s ribs and jaw as she fell to the mat trying to breathe. Crash wasn’t going to let that stop her though, Crash spit the blood from her mouth and stood back up smiling.

“Really girly, don’t you think you’ve had enough. Just stay down,” the brute yelled as Crash got to her feet.

Crash could feel her adrenaline boosting through her veins as the brute looked like Max and all of her thoughts went to wanting to pound him into the next century. Crash was only focused on this guy and how she could beat him. It was like she had hatred in her eyes and wanted to make this guy suffer. Crash threw a left and caught the bottom of his jaw, the brute countered with a right to Crash’s ribs again. Crash could see that this guy was only focused on hitting her ribs and planned her next moves. 

Crash stumbled back after a barrage of hits to her ribs feigning like she was truly hurt. The brute followed her wanting to get this fight to an end. The guy was stumbling back as everyone was surprised as Crash threw a shot in with her weaker hand, stunning the audience that thought this fight was nearly over. Crash threw a quick succession of two left jabs then another right to his temple while he was taken off guard, yet still, nothing phased the brute in front of her.

Crash was at a loss of what to do next thinking that this guys head must be made out of steel. Crash decided to go for another tactic and side-swept his legs out from under him to throw him off balance as he tried not to fall, Crash then put everything that she had behind the uppercut that she threw. The guy finally stumbled back and looked hurt but also looked like he could keep going for a while longer.

Blood and sweat are pouring down Crash’s back as she continued the back and forth battle. People were definitely getting their moneys worth tonight. Crash was starting to underestimate this guy, Crash was starting to realize that this guy was nothing like Max. As the fight went on Crash felt like everything that she threw was just bouncing off of this guy like nothing was even phasing him. Crash noticed Dinah out of the corner of her eye and knew that she was in trouble and really wanted to end this fight soon to try and escape the onslaught of words that she would get from her best friend.

“What the hell does she think she is doing? If she survives I’m going to beat her.” Dinah crossed her arms and stared at her friend in a fight with someone twice her size and yelling so Lauren could hear her.

“Why does she fight guys like that? Doesn’t she get hurt? I mean a lot of those punches look like they really hurt.” Lauren asked from beside Dinah with worry and a little confusion in her eyes. “Is this how she got the scars?” Lauren was actually really worried about the girl in the ring right now.

Dinah didn’t take her eyes off of Crash to answer Lauren, “She does this because she thinks she deserves it for what happened to Lucy. Which she doesn’t in any way shape or form, it was that punk ass Max’s fault and everyone knows it but Crash never was a snitch. The scars came from an accident that Crash was in when she was a teenager, and also the accident with Lucy but she has to tell you the story. It’s not mine to divulge.” Dinah and Lauren both winced as Crash took another hard hit to the ribs and the crowd was up in hollers again.

Crash refocused on the fight when she caught another series of blows to the ribs. Crash let the guy hit her a few more times and noticed he tilted his head before every punch. The last few punches he threw had Crash feeling light headed and she knew she needed to end this fight as soon as possible. The brute seemed to pick up on it too and came in to hit Crash in the ribs again, Crash noticed the lean to the left and started her counter attack. Crash couldn’t focus and was starting to hear the crowd and knew she was losing her focus from all the hits. 

Crash dropped her right to block his kick to the ribs and threw a punch with her left. Crash connected and the brute stumbled backward as the audience got louder in the background whooping and hollering at the comeback. Crash decided it was time to pounce. Crash side swept his legs out from under him and he fell flat on his back knocking the air out of the taller guy. Crash was pinning him to the mat in a matter of seconds, Crash’s full guard had his arms pinned to his sides. Crash then let all of her pent up anger, fury, and rage escape her, knocking the guy out.

The only image Crash saw as the audience filled the warehouse with hoots and hollers was of Lucy, and it urged Crash to keep throwing punches till the ref was dragging her off of the bruised and bloody brute under her. Crash remembered Lucy saying that she shouldn’t waste her life and to go do something great, but for the life of Crash she couldn’t figure out what the was.

The ref finally got Crash away from the brute and raised Crash’s hand in victory, the ref lets go and Crash sunk to her knees in the middle of the ring. Crash let her head hang down to her chest as she tried to come back to reality, she had never let go like that before. Crash could feel herself wanting to blackout, Crash could feel her body telling her to shut down, to sleep it off and she would be fine. Crash thought for sure she must have a concussion. Crash couldn’t unclench her fists that were resting on her knees, and she figured she must be bleeding with the wetness she felt running down her face.

Crash wasn’t sure who exactly had wrapped their arms around her but she instantly started to feel some of the tension leaving her body. Crash knew that she was going to pass out very soon, she needed to get home. Crash revealed in the instant feeling of safety that whoever was holding her and telling her “I’ve got you.”. As whoever started rubbing circles on Crash’s back she just let go with everything that was breaking her about Lucy, Crash was in tears in an unknown girls shirt, and at the moment she could care less.

“Lauren we need to get her out of here,” Dinah said looking around at the angry faces in the crowd. “Can you get her out of here?”

Lauren loosens her grip around Crash just enough to talk to the girl, “Crash we need to get you out of here, can you stand and walk for me?”

Lauren wouldn’t have seen Crash’s nod if she wasn’t looking directly at the girl. Lauren held onto Crash’s right arm as they both stood up and Crash immediately latched back onto Lauren’s side. “Alright, Dinah looks like you’re leading the way.” Lauren started following Dinah out of the warehouse as she kept telling Crash, “I’ve got you,” and continued to at least rub her hand up and down the arm the wasn’t wrapped around her waist.

Dinah leads the two girls through the warehouse to the nearest exit pushing the drunk people out of her way as she goes. A lot of people were trying to get to Crash, and Dinah could tell and kept trying to put as many people between them and those people. Dinah took a sigh of relief as the exit finally came into sight when a huge guy steps in front of her and won’t let her pass. Dinah instinctively puts Lauren and Crash at her back, “Hey out of the way she needs some fresh air.”

“That’s cool not going to stop y’all just need to give Crash her stuff,” The guy handed over Crash’s helmet, jacket, and backpack.  
“Oh and don’t forget her winnings.” The guy handed over a stack of cash that Dinah quickly put in Crash’s backpack. 

“Thanks can we go now?” Dinah said taking the items and feeling the room getting intense. The big guy nodded and let the girls pass by. 

Dinah got the girls outside and went to her car when Crash spoke up. “I can’t leave my bike they will tear it apart out here.” Crash said pointing to her motorcycle parked by the building. 

Dinah threw her hands up in the air, “I don’t know how to drive a motorcycle Crash and you can barely see. How are we suppose to get it home?”

“I can do it someone just has to ride with me.” Crash says letting go of Lauren and wiping the sweat, blood, and tears from her face and staggering a little while she stood.

Dinah was pissed at this suggestion, “There is no way that I am going to let you do that Crash!! You literally have blood in your face and can barely stand by yourself what makes you think you can drive a damn motorcycle!?”

Crash made herself let go of Lauren and grabbed her helmet and jacket out of Dinah’s hand and started walking off to where her motorcycle was parked. “Don’t baby me, DJ!” Crash yelled back at Dinah and then almost fell when she turned back around luckily Lauren was fast on reaction time and caught Crash.

“I’ll go, Dinah,” Lauren said as she walked off with Crash. 

“Crash, I’ll ride with you,” Lauren says as she holds up Crash.

Crash hands Lauren her jacket and helmet as they get to her bike. “Put these on please.”

Lauren could tell that Crash was pissed off just as much as Dinah was. “Alright but let me see your head first.” Lauren turned Crash toward her and took the bandana off her arm and tied it around Crash’s head. “That should hold until we get to your house. Are you sure that you can do this?” Lauren asked hesitantly. 

Crash just nodded and helped Lauren put the helmet on, “Okay so have you ever rode before.” Lauren shook her head no. “Okay well, then time to learn on the fly.” Crash got on the bike and motioned for Lauren to get on behind her, Lauren was hesitant to put her arms around Crash not wanting to hurt the girl further.

“Alright so basically put your feet on the pegs and just hold on tight, but not too tight because it is kind of sore right now.” Crash told Lauren and then rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands knowing that she was going to have to make this a quick ride, feeling the fatigue hit her again.

“Are you okay?” Lauren asked noticing Crash tense up again.

“Yeah, I am fine.” Crash lied. “It’s not that far of a ride.” Crash was only wanting to get home to her bed at the moment but knew leaving her bike would be a huge mistake in this neighborhood.

The ride back to Crash’s house was a little longer than Crash was hoping she could feel her bike swaying a little more than normal and slowed down but still took the shortest route she knew of. Crash was thinking of Lucy almost the whole way home, different memories were invading her thoughts at any given time. The only thing bringing Crash back to reality was when Lauren would squeeze her on a turn or when Lauren would notice Crash starting to drift a little. Lauren knew that it probably wasn’t the best idea to let the girl drive but she was adamant about taking her bike home. Lauren just did her best to keep the girl talking and keeping her focus on the road.

When they finally pulled into Crash’s garage Lauren was off the bike and holding Crash up while Crash parked the bike. Lauren held Crash up with one arm as she took the helmet off and set it on a workbench nearby. Lauren didn’t have time to take in just how big the garage was before Dinah was helping the two girls inside. “Crash you need a shower before you go to sleep. You have got to clean these cuts up.’ Lauren said softly still holding as much of Crash’s weight as she could.

“Okay,” Crash said leaning more into Lauren and letting her guide her. Lauren could feel Crash leaning her head on Lauren’s shoulder as they stumbled to the bathroom.

“Where’s the shower Crash?” Lauren watched as all Crash could do was point down the hallway. “Alright let’s go.”

Lauren walked Crash through the dark house as Dinah had stayed in the living room to make a call. Lauren took Crash into the bathroom and sat her down on the toilet and started the bath water to make sure that it wasn’t too hot. “Alright do you want help or are you okay to get in by yourself?”

“I think that I can manage,” Crash said and stood up turning around to face the sink, holding on for dear life as a wave of nausea hit her hard. “Can you get DJ to get me some clothes? There in the closet door on the right when you walk out.” Crash went to take her shirt off and groaned as Lauren was just about out the door.

“Let me help you.” Lauren was back in the room with a hand on Crash’s back.

Crash sat back down and just nodded her head to Lauren. Lauren walked back into the bathroom and slowly went to grab for the hem of Crash’s shirt but then stopped. “Which side hurts?”

“The left side,” Crash said pointing to her ribs. Lauren had Crash pull her right arm out of the shirt and then lifted it over Crash’s head and then down her left arm. Lauren tried not to gasp out when she saw the huge scar that ran across Crash’s back and around her torso. Lauren also tried to read the tattoo but before she could Crash cleared her throat. “Thanks, I got it from here.”

Lauren could feel herself blushing as she turned and made her way back out of the bathroom. “Sorry Crash.” Lauren wasn’t sure at the moment if she was sorry about trying to read the tattoos or whatever it was that had happened to the distraught fighter.

Crash used her time in the shower to try and let the thoughts dissipate. It had never hit Crash this hard before, she always fought back the uneasy thoughts of Lucy. Crash watched the red tinted water go down the drain and knew that she had pushed herself to far this time. Crash also knew that Dinah was calling her Papa’s and they would be on the first flight out in the morning. Crash knew that Dinah was doing the right thing but wasn’t quite ready to face her Papa’s yet. Crash was already trying to figure out a way to get out of it, but in reality, she knew that it was unavoidable that it had been a long time coming.

Crash was brought out of her musings when a knock came on the door and then Lauren’s voice, “Hey kid you okay in there?”

“Yeah,” Crash barely got out realizing she was more tired than she thought. Drying off she realized that Lauren had set the clothes she asked for on the counter and quickly got changed.

Walking into her room Crash threw the towel toward the hamper in the corner knowing that it missed and she would pick it up tomorrow. Crash pulled the covers back and climbed in trying not to hurt her ribs anymore than what she was. Lauren noticed and got up to help Crash get into the bed. 

“So yeah this is going to sound a little weird...", Crash says to Lauren as she finally settles into the bed. 

“Would you mind staying here and just laying with me until I fall asleep? I find that it helps when I am upset and usually I would have Dinah do it but I can't find her. Plus you're already here and yeah I am rambling I am going to shut up now but feel free to turn me down."

Lauren looks at Crash with sad eyes almost like she doesn't understand why Crash would ask something like that. “Yeah, that is fine. Or if you want Dinah she is just in the garage making a phone call."

“No. I know what she is doing and it is going to take her a little while. So will you just lay down with me till I fall asleep?" Crash pretty much begs and adds a pout and some puppy dog eyes. 

“Yeah. It's fine no worries. Just promise me in the morning you won't bite my head off." Lauren says to Crash with her tongue stuck between her teeth in a smile as she climbs into bed on the opposite side of Crash.

“Yeah, yeah I promise now get over here." Crash says trying to get Lauren closer to her.

Lauren finally got the hint and moved in closer to Crash thankful that she was on Crash’s right side and laid her head on Crash’s shoulder. Crash tenses as Lauren moves into a more comfortable position, but soon relaxes as Lauren gets settled. Crash was asleep before Lauren even got her good night greetings out.

 

The car comes to a bashing halt, as the tree limb comes flinging through the now shattered windshield. The air is completely knocked out of Crash, but Crash couldn’t care less at the moment she only wanted to get to Lucy. Crash wasn’t even sure if Lucy was buckled in. Crash finally caught her breath and noticed that she couldn’t move, Crash’s left knee was pinned between the door and the steering wheel. All Crash can think about is getting to Lucy though, but when Crash turns she doesn’t see Lucy. “LUCY!!” Crash yelled as loud as she could, “LUCY! Where are you?”

Crash started moving things around trying to get out of the car to get to Lucy. Crash just wanted her to be okay. Crash almost forgot in all of her worries that she had a street racing steering wheel and that it would pop right off. The only bad thing was that it was going to take some prying to get the steering wheel to give. Crash knew that it was going to hurt, especially when she started wiggling the wheel hoping it would come loose easily. Crash could feel all the bones, muscles, tendons and ligaments begging for release from the position that it was in. Crash finally jerks the steering wheel off and sets off a whole other set of consequences. First, the windshield shatters as the tree limb that is sticking through the windshield moves, sending large chunks down onto the front seat and Crash. Which in turn causes the limb on top of the car was causing the roof to creak and moan, Crash was pretty sure it was going to cave in. 

Crash unlatches the racing seat belt and got out of the car the only way she could, through the front window knowing that the doors probably wouldn’t budge. Crash can feel her body telling her not to move and to just stay still, but Crash just wants to get to Lucy. “LUCY!! Please just answer me!” Crash was hoping that she would respond. Crash felt the tears streaming down her face as she stumbled around trying to get to her feet to search for Lucy for fear of not finding Lucy or from the pain Crash has no idea. 

Crash finally stumbled away from the car landing on the ground with a thud. After Crash catches her breath she works on pulling her phone out of her pocket and dials Lucy’s number. Crash lets her phone drop to the side and listens for the all too familiar ringtone...'Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe’. Crash was up and running to where the sound was coming from even through all the pain and as the ground started turning Crash finally saw Lucy. Crash could tell just by looking at Lucy that her arm was broken and could possibly have a broken leg as well. Crash stumbles over to Lucy and drops by her side and slowly cradles Lucy head in her lap, “Lucy, Lucy. Please open your eyes and tell me that you’re okay. Please, Sugar Cookie don’t leave me yet.”

After not getting a response Crash felt for a pulse on Lucy’s neck, “Apple,” Lucy hacks and coughs. “What...happened....everything.....hurts.”

Crash tries to wipe away the tears on Lucy’s face and can feel them on her own cheeks as well. “Shhh. Please don’t cry, you know I hate it when you cry.” I knew it was stupid to say at the time because she was in pain but I can’t take it back now.

“Apple, I love you. You know that right? Thank you for saving me from Josh tonight.” Lucy told Crash in between shallow breaths. Lucy squeezes Crash’s hand that is down by her side.

Crash tightens her grip on Lucy’s hand, “Lucy don’t you dare start saying goodbyes yet. You are not going anywhere and this will be the second time that I save you tonight. So please just hold on.” Crash tells her and then gives her a kiss on the forehead.

Crash grabbed her phone again and calls 9-1-1 telling them everything and where about she was when they got hit. Lucy was still breathing so Crash called Dinah and told her why they weren’t there yet. Dinah said she was on her way to Crash and said she would text Papas on the way. Crash could tell that Lucy was uncomfortable so she laid her head back down on the grass and laid down next to Lucy clutching onto her good hand and trying to give Lucy as much of her heat as she could, laying her forehead to Lucy’s.

”Lucy stay with me, babe. You are not allowed to leave me here. You can do this I know you can. We just made it. I need you Sugar Cookie.” Crash tried not to break down completely as some of the light was dimming in Lucy’s eyes.

Lucy took a deep breathe, “Apple....you are the strongest person I know. Just promise me that if something does happen you won't throw your life away. Promise me you will keep going.” Lucy let out with barely a voice. 

“Please stop talking like that I can’t take it you’re breaking my heart.” Crash was sobbing at this point. “I love you, Lucy. I will do everything I can to make you proud. I promise.” Crash was watching the color fade from Lucy’s eyes until there was almost no hazel color left. 

“I love you Apple Pie...” and those were the last words that Crash could remember hearing her sister say. Crash soon passed out to as well from the loss of too much blood from her own injuries. Crash had the scars and memories to prove it. Crash’s only wish was that it would have been her instead of Lucy that left that day. Lucy didn’t deserve to go that way.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crash bolted out of the bed, “NO! Lucy, not you!”. The tears were streaming down her face again, why is this happening again.

“Hoi Apple it’s okay I’m here,” Dinah says as she gets up and walks over to Crash getting up from her huge beanbag chair, and trying to comfort her best friend.

“Where is Lauren?” Crash doesn’t even know why she’s asking but she felt Lauren’s presence was missing as she felt the still warm spot next to her.

“Apple she saw that you were shaking and sweating and went to get you a glass of water and some more Advil.” Dinah had moved and sat next to Crash trying to comfort her. 

“Hey...what is all the commotion about? Crash are you okay sweetie? What do you need?” Lauren said busting into the room worried about her new friend. 

“I will be better when I go back to sleep. How long have I been asleep?” Crash asked not knowing what time it was when she passed out earlier.

“You were asleep for like an hour, but started shaking five minutes ago so I went to get you some medicine because I figured you were in pain or something,” Lauren said to Crash with pain and sincerity in her eyes, wondering why Crash was haunted so much by someone named Lucy.

“Nope, not in physical pain anymore. Emotionally though I am completely tearing up. Can we all go back to bed now? We can all three fit I mean it is a king size after all. So Dinah Jane gets your ass up here and cuddles with me. You too Jauregui.” Crash says patting the bed next to her on both sides.

“Crash are you ever going to talk about it? Or how about what happened tonight?” Dinah asked laying down next to her best friend and wondering when Crash would ever talk to her about what happened that night.

“Soon I promise. Maybe to the right person.” Crash looked to Lauren because she more or less felt Lauren’s presence next to her like an easing feeling almost peaceful in a way, Crash felt herself yawn as the two bandmates squeezed in next to Crash. 

Crash was already starting to fall asleep again, “soon DJ. I promise...soon.”


	4. Chapter 4

Crash woke early in the morning finding it hard to breathe and feeling like there was a weight pushing down on her chest. Crash slowly opened her eyes and tried to remember what had gone on last night, as her bearings came back around she remembered asking Lauren and Dinah to join her. Crash also knew that Dinah wasn’t going to leave her alone until she told her best friend everything. Crash maneuvered her way off of the bed thankfully without waking either of the girls. Crash decided that she needed to go for a ride and grabbed her stuff and headed to her favorite spot on the beach.

When Crash got to the beach she was in pain and glad that she had brought her jeep instead of her bike, having forgot to take some advil before she left. Crash knew that Dinah was going to kill her for leaving without talking to her but she knew she needed the time to get things together. Crash could feel all of the pressures weighing down on her as producers were calling and wanting her to come back to work, with her papa’s wanting to know that she was taking care of herself and going to therapy. Crash of course was making no progress with the therapy mostly because she refused to actually talk about everything always saying something that would lead the therapist away from the bigger problem.

Crash was so lost in her head that she didn’t notice someone sitting next to her. “Want to tell me what’s going on in that rock hard head of yours?”

“No not really,” Crash never looked away from the ocean, “I just need some time to think before I go talk to DJ and the girls.”

“Oh, that bad huh?” Brit said next to Crash. “Is that why you got in the ring last night?”

“No, they didn’t want to talk until after the fight happened.” Crash held onto her ribs as she took a deep breath. “I just don’t know why I got in a fight last night. I knew that I shouldn’t have been in the ring last night, but I couldn’t help it. For some reason I just had to be in there. Everything just bottled up till I had to release it.”

“Crash, you weren’t healed from the last fight, are you actually okay?” Brit tried to see where exactly Crash was hurt. “You really should put some ice on that eye. Come on I’ll get you some.” 

“Thanks, B, I’m gonna call Camz to come and meet me. I think I just need to rip the band-aid off and if I’m going to do it, I want to tell them all at once. I’m pretty sure that is all that I can handle.” Crash told Brit as she followed the blonde to the beach bar.

“That actually sounds like a good idea,” Brit told Crash, “I think it will be beneficial for you to tell someone.” Brit handed Crash the ice and just smiled as Crash called Camz and asked her to come meet her at the beach.

“Thanks, B, I’ll see you at practice later this week, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. See you B.”

“Later C.”

 

Crash sat on the hood of her Jeep waiting for Camz to show up, thinking of how she was going to get through this without breaking down completely. Anytime that she had ever tried to talk about that day Crash would just shut down and change the subject. Crash even went as far as moving across the country so her Papa’s couldn’t bug her every day about it. Crash knew it wasn’t what she should have done but Crash needed the time and space to figure everything out. What no one knew was that she was writing music again and play with a band on the side. Crash knew that she couldn’t stay away from music, but she had yet to sing again. Crash was having trouble finding her voice again, she knew she needed to try but just couldn’t.

“Hey gorgeous, what are you doing out here...” Camila started until she saw the black eye of Crash’s, “Crash! Did you get another fight? I thought you were done with that?”

Crash put the ice back up to her eye and smiled, “Hey Camz. I missed you.”

“Awe, I missed you too. Way to change the subject. So what did you bring me here for?” Camila asked curiously.

Crash slid off the hood and leaned against the car, “I need to talk to you and Dinah, it’s important.”

“Okay,” Camila gave Crash a worried look, “is it bad?”

“No, it’s just something that I need to get off my chest.”

“Alright then,” Camila looked around searching, “so where’s Dinah?”

“Back at my house, come on we can see if they’re awake yet.” Crash said as she walked Camila to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for her. 

“Thanks C.” 

“No problem K,” Crash said as she winced getting into the Jeep.

Crash noticed Camila was engrossed with her phone as she drove back to the house hoping Dinah wouldn’t be to pissed off at her. Crash also noticed that Camila couldn’t wipe that huge smile off of her face that she was wearing the whole morning. Crash was glad that Camila had finally found someone to make her happy, she just wished Camila would tell them who it was. It was driving them all crazy not knowing who Camila was dating. 

Crash pulls in the driveway to see Dinah pacing on the front porch, “Oh shit. This is going to be bad.”

“CRASH DANGER APPLE RODGERS!!! Where the hell did you go? What the hell do you think you are doing driving around with only one eye to see out of?” Dinah walked toward Crash angrily and Crash was pinned against the car. “Did you really think that was a great idea?”

Crash held up her hands in surrender as Dinah interrogated her. Crash watched as Camila and Lauren shared a look behind Dinah. Crash knew that Camila would most likely fill Lauren in later, Camila was actually the only one that knew exactly how many fights she was in. Crash for some reason always called Camila because Camz knew exactly how to talk her down. Camila was one of the only people that could simply talk Crash down from an episode. “Well are you going to say something or are you just going to stand there?”

“I’m sorry Bear I just needed to have some time to clear my head and have some fresh air. Come on settle down, we can talk while I make everyone breakfast.” Crash tried to give Dinah something else to think about besides her disappearing. “You know you love my home cooking.”

“Fine, but only because I know that you are just as hungry as I am,” Dinah conceded and motioned for the other girls to follow as well knowing that Crash was an amazing cook.

Crash had everyone sit at the breakfast bar as she started cooking, “alright I know you want to ask so go ahead get the questions out.”

“Apple, I know that we were busy yesterday and we couldn’t really talk when you came to the hotel, but why didn’t you tell me that you had gone back to fighting? Did you ever actually stop? When did the dreams start again or did they never stop either?” Dinah asked when Crash turned around letting the pancakes start to cook and immediately dropped her eyes to the floor.

“Whoa slow down there Bearclaw. No, I never stopped I have always had connections everywhere for me to get into something whether it be the fighting or the racing. I was mostly doing the racing until I moved here and the circuit is just too big to get a race in whenever I wanted. The dreams never stopped either.” Crash figured Dinah was giving her that why didn’t you tell me look. 

“I know I’m sorry Dinah but I just couldn’t put that weight on you anymore not with you going on tour and you living your life.” Crash grabbed both of her hands and gave them a squeeze and a smile when she turned and set a plate of food down. “You deserved to not let me bring you down anymore. I love you too much to not have you succeed because of me. Why do you think I pushed you to audition so much.”

Dinah’s face dropped at that. “Yeah, that’s right Dinah. You were and are way too good to be held back you needed to shine. Boy have you ever.”

Dinah grinned widely and then hit Crash in the arm, making Crash flinch and wince a little, “Stop changing the subject. Sorry.”

“Alright what do you want to know?” Crash sighed and started flipping the pancakes and stirring the eggs.

“What happened last night?” Camz asked looking at Crash with sad apologetic eyes.

Crash went into full detail about how she couldn’t go a day without wanting to get into a fight or want to race someone or something. Crash told them that it was all about the adrenaline, but she knew that it was really about punishing herself for not protecting Lucy when her sister had needed it the most. Crash got lost in thought a couple of times as she thought about Lucy as she tried to explain her actions. Crash still couldn’t get over the fact that her better half was gone, Crash truly believed that Lucy should have been the one to survive. Crash also knew that she should have gone straight home after the talk her and Lucy had but Lucy had looked so peaceful sleeping in the back seat that Crash couldn’t bring herself to wake her sister.

“I miss Lucy”, Crash said breaking out of her thoughts. “It’s like having a hole in my heart that will never be filled again, and the worst part is that it was my fault. I should have never goaded Max as I had at the race when I won. Then maybe she would still be here and I wouldn’t always feel like I do.” Crash couldn’t help it as all the tears started to run down her face. Crash tried to hide them by finishing up the cooking. 

Crash turned around after turning off the stove and was wrapped up in three sets of arms again. Crash thought that it was a weird feeling. “Crash in no way shape or form is it your fault that some asshole couldn’t take losing to a girl and then purposely sought out revenge. There is nothing that you could have done differently.” Lauren said raising Crash’s chin up and wiping away the taller girls tears with her thumbs. “Not being there for Lucy could have had the same effect. There is a reason that you were given this obstacle. So stop fighting it and embrace it. Try to make things right for yourself and for what Lucy would be proud of.”

“What is it that she wanted you to do? What did she want to accomplish with you?” Camz asked Crash while rubbing patterns on the taller girls lower back. Well, Lauren and Camz were gonna get a kick out of this. 

Crash and Dinah looked at each other and just started to laugh almost uncontrollably as Lauren and Camila just looked at them both like they had lost their minds. “Care to tell us what is so funny?” Lauren asked as she grabbed Camz and herself some food and sat back down waiting for the giggles to recede. 

“Let’s just say that the Three Musketeers were supposed to go on tour together and try to change the world one song at a time.”

Camz and Lauren looked at each other and then back to Crash and Dinah. “Wait you can sing? Like on stage in front of thousands of people?” Camz asked excitedly.

“Why yes Camz. To tell you the truth I was signed before y’all were ever even thought of. Do you guys recall a group named Everlasting Freedom?”

Lauren finally looked at Crash, “wait that is you? That concert that was you...and wait, Dinah, that means...I was there! When you guys won everyone could see the pure happiness that went across all your faces. My friends and I couldn’t wait for your album to come out. You were really se...umm...never mind. You two were amazing up there. Please tell me that you still perform.” Crash could see the excitement and something else she couldn’t quite place go across Lauren’s features. As Lauren said the last part she figured it was a good time to tell Dinah that she had at least been performing something.

Dinah and Crash looked at each other, “I umm...” Crash could feel the tears coming back, “well I have been playing drums for a local band. They have no idea who I am or that I can sing either.” Still again the tears started and Crash tried to wipe them away trying to be strong.

“Hey, Crash, it’s okay I’m here”, Dinah hugged Crash, and Crash just let the slightly smaller girl hold on for as long as she wanted not wanting to ever let go herself. When Dinah and Crash were done having their moment Crash handed Dinah a plate and made herself one as well. 

“I actually haven’t played guitar or sang lead since the accident. I can’t find a reason to. Playing was what both of us had always dreamed of and now that I don’t have Lucy it just feel like a lost cause. I have always felt like Lucy was the one that everyone came out to see. I mean she just had a way to make the songs come to life for me. Lucy sang every song like it was made just for her.”

“Apple, you do realize that you were lead vocalist. As I recall all the girls at that concert were literally throwing themselves at you, I think we went home with like fifty numbers alone that night.” Everyone started laughing at that. “Besides even Lucy knew that it was really you that needed to be on the stage. Did you ever notice that the weekends that you had gigs you didn’t fight with anyone and you didn’t race? We both knew that we had to get you more and more stage time. We saw the anger and pain fade away when you played. So please tell me that we can work on some way to get you back at it.” Dinah all but rambled out. 

“To tell you the truth Dinah I don’t even know where it is. I haven’t seen my guitar since I moved out of Papa’s house. It is probably in her room over there along with all the other memories I wanted to forget.” Dinah gave Crash another hug and then grabbed Camz and walked into the spare bedroom that Crash could never find the nerve to go into.

Crash got up and started putting the dishes in the sink and cleaning up when she felt Lauren next to her helping, Lauren didn’t say anything and just handed the dishes to Crash to put in the sink to wash. Lauren could already tell that Crash needed a minute of no questions to just clear her mind. When Crash was done putting the dishes in the sink she turned and leaned against the counter looking at nothing, in particular, trying to figure out if she could actually play the guitar again hell if she was even going to remember how to play it. Crash was broke out of her thoughts as she felt an arm wrap around her waist and Lauren’s head was resting against Crash’s shoulder. 

“Hey, thanks for staying with me yesterday. Even if you still don’t know me all that well, I think that is the best that I have slept in like three years.” 

Lauren looked up at Crash, “yeah sure no problem. I kind of consider you a friend...I mean if that’s okay. I would have done it for anyone that means so much to Dinah and Camz. About that, do you like Dinah or I mean what is up with you two?”

“I have known Dinah since I was like five and yeah she is the first girl that I ever fell in love with. Sadly though there is no way that she could ever feel the same way about me. Dinah has told me many of times that she doesn’t like me that way, and yeah I did try once even when she was drunk.” Crash laughed remembering Dinah as an out of control drunk. “No Dinah and I will never be anything except best friends.” Crash told Lauren while staring at the door her two best friends had disappeared into a while ago.

“Hey look what I found Apple!” Dinah said as she and Camz came out of the room holding onto Crash’s guitar.

“Awesome. Now let me guess you want me to play something?” Lauren felt Crash tense up as she answered Dinah.

“Hey if you need some time you don’t have to do it right now,” Lauren said to Crash while she was making patterns on the taller girls exposed hip bone.

“I can’t right now Dinah. Maybe later okay? Don’t you three have a concert to get to?” Crash said not moving a muscle so hopefully, Dinah wouldn’t notice how anxious this was making her.

“Yeah we do and you're coming with us no if’s and’s or but’s about it!” Camz said excitedly while pulling Crash away from Lauren and into the bedroom to get dressed. Dinah made sure that she brought Crash’s guitar with her, she would get one of the band members to tune it for her.

The girls were all loud and bouncing off the walls as they went to their dressing room to get out of their wardrobe. Crash thought back to all the times that she and Lucy were backstage with all the adrenaline still rushing through their bodies as they would try to wind down but couldn’t. Crash loved that feeling it was when she felt most alive, it was when she usually got the inspiration to write her songs. Crash missed that feeling, and told herself there and then that she was going to play again. Crash knew right at this moment that she needed to figure out how to play again. 

“Dude, I could barely hear myself thinking while you guys were performing.” Crash said to Lauren with a huge smile. “I really miss that feeling. I bet that all of you could go running around the venue right now. Right?” 

“Yeah, you should have been with us when we were in Brazil. No one could hear anything, heck Big Rob even had to tackle people trying to come up on the stage.” Lauren said with the biggest grin on her face and laced her fingers with Crash’s as she drug the taller girl to the dressing room.

“Sounds and looks like you enjoyed it though.” Crash said stopping because they were at the dressing room door. 

“You have no idea. I mean the fans were all just adorable and cute and we can’t wait to go back. Do you think that you’ll be able to maybe play someday?” Lauren asked as Crash stopped and leaned against the wall next to the door still holding Lauren’s hand.

“I don’t know, maybe,” Crash stated while crossing her arms reluctantly letting go of Lauren’s hand and placed her foot on the wall behind her and looked down. “Go get dressed so we can get out of here okay” 

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” Lauren said going through the door laughing with the other girls in tow.

It was a week later and the nights were just like all the rest Crash still couldn’t even look at the guitar case without breaking down. So Crash just placed it in the corner of the living room and went to find something to do. Crash decided to change a few things around the house cleaned up everything she could think of. The girls had a small break before they started recording so all of them flew home to their families, Dinah went with a promise to bring back Papa’s when she flew back in. Dinah knew that Crash may only have been in Miami for six months but Crash needed her Papa’s to help her through some of the pain that Crash thought she deserved.

Crash decided to try and change a few things while Dinah, Ally, and Mani flew home to see their families. Crash was once again left alone to her thoughts, with no distractions Crash was pretty much not changing a damn thing. Crash pulled out the songs she had written a while ago and was about to fax it to Simon because she owed him something when Crash nearly broke down into tears. The song was one of the first ones Crash had written after Lucy had passed and she hadn’t opened that songbook in forever. Crash felt herself letting the anger build back up inside of herself. 

Crash tried to do what Dinah had asked her and went to got throw some punches at the bag after changing into a sports bra and shorts. Crash tried everything she could to make the adrenaline she was feeling dissipate, but just standing there hitting an inanimate object was doing nothing if not making Crash angrier. 

Crash pulled out her phone and just stared at it for a moment, staring at the picture of Lucy, Dinah and herself after they won the competition. Crash thought about the small promise she had made to Dinah before she went to visit her family, could she break it, if Dinah didn’t know that she had broken it. It would be just one quick fight, all the bruises would be gone before Dinah and the others got back. Besides if Crash did get a bruise she would just cover it up.

To Big John: Hey you got anything for me tonight? Like now if possible.

From Big John: Hey small fry! Yeah actually if you get here asap I have just the fight for you.

Sweet time to let the tension go then. Crash went back into the house grabbed a shirt and keys locked up the house, jump in her car and raced away not noticing the two figures across the street trying to wave her down.

“Where do you think she is going in such a hurry?” Mike asked as he and Lauren backed out behind Crash.

“I think that I have an idea,” Lauren answered as she thought of what to do, “will you drop me off on the way to the game? I want to see if Crash wants to come with and I will just catch a ride with her.”

“Sure that sounds like an idea,” Mike said knowingly as he just smiled and went to follow the girl with Lauren’s help. Not twenty minutes later they were pulling into the warehouse that they found Crash into last time. “Lauren are you sure about this? It looks kind of shady.” Mike said worriedly looking around at the place.

“Yeah, I’m sure papa. Dinah and I have been here before with Crash. It’s actually a lot nicer inside. So don’t judge it.” Lauren lied hoping her Papa would trust her. 

“Alright, sweetie. Just let me know if you can make the game or not.” Mike said as Lauren got out of the car and started to head into the building.

Lauren waited for her dad to pull away and turned and stared at the building, “What else happened to you? Why do you need this?” Thoughts just kept running through Lauren’s head as she made her way into the building to find Crash the mysterious.

Lauren thought maybe Crash would be like her and just need someplace quiet to hang out to clear her head, someplace that could take her mind off of things. Lauren wondered if she could get Crash to possibly at least pick up the guitar. 

To Camzilla: Hey do you think that Crash would do okay at the beach house?

From Camzilla: Yeah she use to love going to the beach with Lucy and literally just sitting there for hours on end. From what Dinah said it is one of her favorite places to be that is why they had chosen Miami to move to.

To Camzilla : Thanks Camz :)

From Camzilla : No problem Lo. You really like her don’t you? 

To Camzilla: Yeah I think I do there is just something that is drawing me to her if that makes sense. Idk I just want to make the sadness and pain in her eyes go away. You know what I mean?

From Camzilla: I do know Lo! I liked her for a while too. Just be careful she tends to push people away as soon as she notices herself getting happy. She did it to Dinah and they’ve been best friends forever.

To Camzilla: I promise to be careful thanks for everything Camz. Have fun on your date tonight!! By the way, when do we get to meet this mystery girl?

From Camzilla : Soon I promise but I have to go, Good Luck Lo!!!

The fight was against some big hulk of a dude and again Crash beat him but it looked like it took everything out of her again. Lauren had snuck into the fight and was making her way to Crash to get the girl out of there before Crash broke down again. Crash had her arms raised in the air in triumph and a grin plastered across her face that was until she saw Lauren.

“Lauren, what are you doing here?” Crash asked, shocked that Lauren was there.

Lauren crossed her arms and just glared at Crash, oh boy this doesn’t look good. “Well if you most know I followed you when I saw you run out of your house tonight. What happened Crash? You promised us that you were done.”

“Well...”

“Hey, small fry way to go. I told you it would be a great fight tonight. Thanks for dragging it out some they will really be coming back for more now. Here’s your cut, not that you need it.” Big John handed Crash a bag of money and slapped Crash on the back and was gone. 

Crash grimaced as she felt the pain shot through her arm, damn that kid must have got a good one on Crash. “Hey, are you okay? Are you hurt bad?” Lauren looked at Crash, worry written all over her face.

“Yeah, I will be fine. Wanna get out of here? I’ll take you someplace nice.” Crash smirk and held out the bag of cash to Lauren.

“Oh, now we got jokes huh? Well, I am going to take this.” Lauren grabbed the bag out of Crash’s hands. “Now come on you gotta get cleaned up and packed because we are going somewhere.”

This time it was Crash that crossed her arms and just looked at Lauren. “What do you mean we are going somewhere I didn’t agree to this.”

“Just come one” Lauren turns to walk away but is stopped by some guy.

“Hey, sexy eyes. Why don’t you leave the bitch behind and let a real man show you a good time.” The guy slurs out as he grabs Lauren by the hips and pulls her towards him.

Crash immediately go towards them and break them apart. Pushing him down and putting herself between Lauren and the guy. Crash turned and faced Lauren grabbing her by the arms. “Hey, are you okay? Did he do anything? Are you hurt?”

“No nothing. I’m fine.” Lauren says. Crash could see a hint of fear in Lauren’s eyes though.

“Alright let me get my coat and we will get out of here. Ready...” was all Crash could get out before she was struck hard across her jaw as they had turned around to leave. The next thing Crash knew was the guy she had just fought was on top of her, repeatedly punching Crash in the face. Crash was pretty sure she heard Lauren yell for help, not going to lie Crash was a little terrified that she was going to get beat to a pummel. The guy has Crash’s arms pinned so she couldn’t defend herself, the guy was grinning ear to ear doing this. Well, that was until Big John came over and lifted him off of Crash.

“Get her out of here! Go Now!” Big John yelled at Lauren. Lauren scrambled to help Crash get up and out of the building. Crash grabbed her things on the way out but made sure she held them away from herself.

Crash got outside and could feel the blood rushing down her face. “Come on I’ll drive where are your keys,” Lauren said knowing that they needed to get out of here soon. On the way home, Lauren noticed that Crash was lost in thought just watching the lights go by.

When they got to the house Crash went straight to the bathroom with Lauren following behind. Crash started to clean up her face but one eye was nearly swollen shut and making it a little difficult. Lauren watched Crash struggle a little bit and then stepped in to help. “Here let me do that” Lauren said grabbing the cotton swabs and alcohol. 

Crash turned and climbed up on the counter to make it easier for Lauren to help her. What Crash wasn’t expecting was for Lauren to move in between her legs to get a better look at the cuts on her face. Crash tried not to tense and give anything away to Lauren, even though Crash was beginning to think Lauren was doing everything on purpose. Whether it was lightly grazing Crash’s leg with the hand she wasn’t using, or when she would reach past crash to grab something out of the first aid kit.

“You okay there jumpy?” Lauren says with a smirk. Oh yeah, Lauren definitely knows what she is doing to Crash.

“Yeah I’m fine...your...hands are just cold.” Really Crash that is all you could come up with. That was dumb.

“Oh really. Kind of hard to believe with it being 85 degrees outside right now. I think that you are just naturally jumpy though because something happened that you’re not telling me. But one day you will trust me enough to let it all go and until then I will be patiently waiting for you.” Lauren said sliding her hand from Crash’s knee to her upper thigh and whispered the last part in Crash’s ear.

Crash let her mouth fall open, no one had ever noticed that about her. Not even Dinah knew that there was something more, Dinah just knew that Crash hated her house so she let Crash stay with her a lot. Crash never told Dinah why though.

“Um...yeah you might be waiting a long time there is nothing to tell.” An obvious lie, even Lauren saw through it as Crash’s voice started to crack at the end.

“Hey please no more crying. We are done now. Do you want to take a shower and then we can go? I just need to run across the street and get some stuff. Pack for a week okay” Lauren didn’t give Crash time to respond as Lauren started running out the door.

Crash got in the shower and was dressed and packed by the time Lauren got back. “took you long enough.” Crash said with a smirk leaning against the door frame in the kitchen.

“Yeah I know I had to sort some things out first. By the way, you need your guitar I will get it if you can’t.” 

“Um no, I got it.” Crash walked into the living room and picked it up.

“So where are we going?” Crash asked.

“Just somewhere special to me. Now come on it’s kind of a long drive.”

“Wait,” Crash grabbed Lauren by the arm and spun her around into her chest, Lauren collided hard into Crash’s chest. “Thanks for everything that you’ve done the last couple of weeks. I appreciate it more than you know.” Crash was looking Lauren dead in the eyes but Crash couldn’t help herself when she looked at Lauren’s lips and the slightly smaller girl licked them.

Crash leaned in towards Lauren and stopped just far enough away she could feel their breaths mingling together, wanting Lauren to make the move. It didn’t take two seconds for Lauren to close the gap and their lips were moving against each other. Crash’s hands made their way down to Lauren’s hips and Lauren’s went around Crash’s neck as Lauren tangled her hands in Crash’s hair pulling her deeper into the kiss. Crash pulled Lauren closer by the hips as she licked Lauren’s bottom lip asking for entrance and deepened the kiss when Lauren accepted. Crash didn’t know how long they stood there both battling for dominance, neither wanting to back down. Crash soon caved when Lauren moved one hand to the side of Crash’s face and started caressing it. Crash let Lauren push her back against the door frame as they separated needing to breathe.

“Wo...wow! That was...I don’t even have words.” Crash couldn’t form any words as Crash was pretty much shaken to her core on the feelings she was having. No one had even come close to making her feel this way. 

Lauren rested her forehead against Crash’s, “I have wanted to do that since the first time I meet you.”

Finally catching our breathe Lauren grabbed Crash’s hands helped her off the wall, grabbed the bags, locked up the house and were on their way to Lauren’s beach house. The whole way they talked about anything and everything. Crash eventually fell asleep feeling wore out from the fight that night and all the thoughts that were racing through her head.

“Crash! Crash! Wake up! Were here!”


	5. Chapter 5

Lauren let Crash fall asleep on the way to the cabin knowing that the fight had taken a lot out of the girl. Lauren was sure that something was bugging the sleeping girl. Crash had been asleep just about the whole way there, but Lauren understood because last time when Crash fought she pretty much passed out from fighting too. Lauren couldn’t stop replaying that kiss in her head, Lauren had never felt something so intensely before not even with Camila. Lauren also knew that Crash had some things that she needed to work through, Lauren really hoped that this would help her out some. Lauren wondered how mad Crash would be if she took her phone and hide it for a day, but not wanting to get on the girls' bad side to soon Lauren decided against doing so.

While Lauren drove to the secluded cabin she tried to remember all the times that Dinah and Camila talked about Crash coming to visit. Tried to remember how she had missed the taller, bright-eyed, beautiful checky girl. Lauren wondered how she literally knew nothing about the girl when all of her other band mates seemed to know more than enough about Crash. Lauren was just glad that after Crash left the other day from the hotel that Dinah and Camila filled her in on who Crash was. Lauren wasn’t sure she could manage without their help. Lauren knew she was hooked the day Crash got mad at her in the front yard.

Lauren was in love with the beach house that they were about to go to, it has been in her family for years. Being passed down from one generation to the next holding heartfelt family reunions of all sorts in it. Lauren loved how peaceful it was out at the cabin, at night they would be close enough to hear the waves crashing that always seemed to lull Lauren to sleep. As Lauren pulled into the driveway she could already feel herself starting to relax and unwind. Lauren looked over at her sleeping counterpart and wondered what all that happened to the beautiful girl. Lauren knew that there was something that Crash was hiding there just had to be. Lauren thought that maybe it could be that Crash thinks everyone leaves her behind, even Dinah did it without even realizing it all because Crash pushed the younger girl to audition. Lauren smiled at the thought because if Dinah wouldn’t have auditioned she is pretty sure that she would have never meet Crash or probably even Camila. 

Lauren parked the Jeep right outside the house and walked around to the passenger side making sure to shut her door quietly to not wake Crash just yet. Lauren got to Crash’s side and tried to wake the girl softly as to not startle her. Instead, Lauren noticed that Crash had tears running down her face and a tense look upon her body like she was having a nightmare again.

“Crash, come on time to wake up,” Lauren tried talking the girl out of the nightmare, Lauren did the only thing she could think of next and kissed Crash, effectively waking the other girl up.

“Apple, when are you going to let me go? When are you going to realize that you’re only hurting yourself right now?” Crash swore she heard Lucy talking to her. 

“Lucy? Lucy is that you?” Crash looked around frantically but all she could see was darkness. The only light was coming from the window. Crash went and opened the window but turned around at a crashing sound. Crash wondered what she was doing back in the room that she and Lucy had grown up in. Crash remembered the metal framed bunk beds with the ratty sheets on top for her and the brand new heavy comforter for Lucy. Lucy was the one that got cold in the night so Crash always made sure that she was taken care of. There was nothing on the walls and only a single dresser and desk that they had to share, but there was nothing in the room that showed two girls lived there, being as their foster parents wouldn’t let them have anything.

They only reason that Crash had a car and they had instruments to play was because she won the money from fights to get their stuff. Crash remembered their first set of foster parents and how they couldn’t give a crap about them just as long as the check showed up on time. Crash was still wondering why she was here though, this room only brought back horrible memories.

“Is that what I am to you? Just a bad memory?” Lucy asked as she sat on the lower bunk bed. 

Crash was still in awe that she was seeing her sister and let her mouth hang up in awe. “If you don’t close your mouth you're going to catch flies.” Yep, that was the Lucy that Crash remembered. Crash couldn’t help herself and ran over and gave her sister a huge hug one that she had been needing for the last few years. “Please tell me you’re not going anywhere this time. I need you, Lucy.” Crash felt the tears falling.

“Come on Apple. We don’t have much time.” Lucy pulled back from the embrace and Crash sat beside her. “Listen I need you to know that it wasn’t your fault. All you ever did was protect me and take care of me. Everything that we did and you always made sure you were the one that got into trouble instead of me. Think about it when I came in late from being with Josh for the night you came out to our foster parents knowing they were going to flip their lids. You are the best sister that anyone could have asked for.”

Crash opened her mouth to say something but was cut off, “Don’t try to tell me otherwise, if anything I was the one that should be to blame for everything that you went through. I’m sorry Crash. For not being as strong or as brave as you were. Now stop beating yourself up about it and do what you're supposed to be doing. Start being the carefree loving Crash that everyone knows you to be. There is someone right in front of your face that has and always will be there for you, there is someone that you are meant to love, and there is someone that is meant to be there for you to laugh with to tell funny stories with and to just be you with. So stop being stupid and fighting all the damn time and get back to being my amazing sister.”

“Lucy I love you so much. Why did you have to die instead of me? You would have been fine without me and none of this bullshit would have happened you would have been happy. All I am doing is ruining everything around me.” Crash said as she hugged Lucy again not wanting to let go.

“Crash nothing in life is how we plan it to be. Just think of it this way, you are now on rock bottom, you now have a solid foundation to start building from. How you build on it is up to you though. Start with support beams and make it sturdy as a rock or just throw everything in a pile and hope that it holds. Crash you have to pick your own route though, I can’t help you with that. So please let people in. Let them help you.” Lucy started to push Crash away again.

Crash was holding onto Lucy with just their fingertips now, “How will I know what I'm supposed to do Lucy? Fighting is all I can do to get rid of the anger.”

“Crash, it’s right in front of you. It always has been. I love you.”

Crash was woken from her dream when she found it hard to breathe. “Hey, are you okay? I’m sorry I didn’t know how else to wake you. You looked like you were panicking. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay and there is no way that I could have gotten you in the house by myself. I don’t know how to handle this stuff, so I just did what I read in a book once. Okay, I’m gonna shut up now and just what are you smirking about?” Lauren looked flustered as Crash just smirked.

Crash got out of the Jeep as Lauren stepped back, “Well I mean if that is the way I get woken up from sleeping when you’re around then I’m all for it.” Lauren took another step back blushing. “Thanks for the wake-up call though.” Crash teased and made her way to get the bags.

“So was that just an excuse to kiss me again or what? Cuz all you have to do is ask.” Crash grabbed the bags as Lauren shut the door to the Jeep.

Lauren brushed past Crash to unlock the cabin and to hide the blush she knew that was creeping across her face, “I won’t say that it wasn’t nice to kiss you again, but really I didn’t know what else to do. I really just wanted to make sure that you were okay. I mean you looked like you had seen a ghost you were so white.”

Crash tensed when Lauren pretty much spot on guessed what was going on. “Yeah maybe. So gonna open that door or are we just pretending to be at the cabin and we are squatting in the back yard.” Crash changed the subject and hoped that it worked.

“Yeah, alright come on. It’s midnight and I’m exhausted, I will show you to the rooms.” Lauren lead Crash in and showed her the rooms. They both ended up in Lauren’s room because Crash only wanted to unload the bags once. Crash set the bags down and then plopped on the bed as Lauren continued to talk about whose room was whose. As Lauren continued to talk and unpack her bags into her dresser Crash let the sound of her voice lull her back to sleep.

“Crash what do you...” Lauren laughed to herself when she turned and found Crash sound asleep on the bed. Lauren just went and changed into some sleep clothes and turned the lights out climbing into bed next to Crash.

 

Crash had no clue what time it was when she woke in the morning, Crash just knew the sleep she got was amazing and free of nightmares. Something Crash had yet to do in weeks past. Crash stretched out and let the heat streaming in warm her body, Crash took a deep breath of fresh air and started to feel herself relax. As Crash sat up and went to do another stretch she winced as the pain shoots through her body and she laid back down on the bed. Crash thought herself stupid that she got into another fight so soon, Crash knew she would be hurting for days.

Crash stayed still a little while longer than got up and went to her backpack and grabbed a few painkillers out of her bag and swallowed them dry. Crash gripped the dresser and stood still letting the medicine hopefully take its effect faster is maybe she didn’t move when she heard Lauren come into the room. “Hey sleepy head, how are you feeling?”

“I think I will feel better once I get a hot shower to ease some of the pain.” Crash turned around a caught Lauren staring at where she knew part of her tattoo was showing. “Wanna join me?” Crash watched the emotions filter across Lauren’s face and tried to keep a straight face but as Lauren kept trying to make words come out of her mouth Crash burst out laughing.

Lauren then looked at Crash confused, “Oh come on now it was funny. You should have seen your face, Lo. It was priceless.”

“You are an ass Crash Rodgers,” Lauren smacked Crash on the arm as she went to leave the room again, “I’ll be downstairs when you’re done.” With that Lauren left and Crash got in the shower hoping some of the pain would ease.

Crash came out of the shower feeling a hundred times better than when she went in. Crash got dressed and made her way downstairs after taking a few more pain pills just to make sure some of the pain stayed away for a little longer. Crash stopped dead as she entered the main living room and saw her sisters' guitar case sitting on the couch and her music books in stacks on the coffee table. Crash couldn’t help the tears from running down her cheeks. 

“Hey, you okay?” Lauren came into the room and handed Crash a cup of hot cocoa.

“Umm,” Crash told herself she needed to pull it together in front of Lauren all she has ever done is cry in front of her crush. “Yeah, that is just Lucy’s guitar. Mine got destroyed in the wreck, so it’s hard for me to see it. It always reminds me of her smile, and I miss seeing it so much. Ya know?”

Crash moved into the room and ran her fingers over the guitar case and snapped it open deciding to be brave and try to conquer whatever it was that was holding her back. “Hey if you don’t want to do this today we can try again tomorrow.” Lauren sat next to Crash rubbing small circles in her back hoping to at least comfort the taller girl a little.

“No. I need to do this. I promised I would.” Lauren looked at Crash a little confused not knowing who she had promised to because all the girls were out of town when she decided to bring Crash up to the cabin.

Crash decided to take the all too familiar guitar out and started tuning it without a second thought about it. The guitar was dark blue with white streaks at the base, just enough to make it all Lucy, just a little different from a standard guitar. Crash started playing one of their songs and just smiled as she did, in fact, remember how to play the thing. Which was a good thing because when she told all the girls later exactly what the mysterious phone call was back at the house she knew they would all probably murder her for not telling them sooner.

Lauren started humming along to the song Crash was playing not quite remembering the words but also knowing she knew the song. Crash stopped playing for a second and flipped open the oldest looking notebook and pointed Lauren to the lyrics. So as Crash sat and played Lauren sang the song softly just enjoying that Crash was actually playing again. After she played the song Crash set the guitar back in the case, snapped it shut, and wiped the tears from her eyes.

“So what are we doing today?” Crash asked. “Do you have to do anything for the tour today?”

“Nope we are free and clear for three more days then the girls and I have to go do an interview with our new opening acts. Of course, then the tour starts back up the next Friday. So until then, we have nothing but time.” Lauren said standing and open the back sliding door that led down to the beach. “Want to go explore with me?”

“Are the girls going to meet us up here when they get back into town?” Crash asked joining Lauren as they started walking to the beach. “It would be cool if all of us could hang out before the tour starts. I miss them all. Maybe have a bonfire or something like that.” Lauren grabbed some towels and motioned for Crash to bring her guitar.

“Yeah Camz is going to bring them up tomorrow when they come back into town, and yeah we will throw a bonfire. It will be nice to do something fun before all the hard work of tour starts.” Crash grabbed her guitar and followed after Lauren.

The walk down to the beach was a little long and Crash noticed that every time her hand would brush with Lauren’s she would pull it in front of her and wring her hands together, Crash thought that it was funny because Lauren would blush every time she got caught too. “Lauren, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, I think I can handle that.” Lauren just smiled.

Crash took her hat off and started playing with it, “Are you willing by chance to tell me what happened between you and Camz? I mean from what I remember you two were inseparable.” 

Lauren stopped and looked at Crash, then shrugged and kept walking again. Crash thought that would be the end of that conversation and went to say something else when Lauren cut her off. “I’m sorry Lauren...”

“No, it’s okay. Camz and I...well it’s hard to really put into words. Believe me when I say that she will always be in my life to some extent. I will always love her. Camila was the cute, adorable, intelligent clumsy nerd that all of us fell in love with. Our downfall was that we were that couple. The couple that everyone scrutinized or wanted to tell us how to be with each other. I mean we were just coming out. I think it was all just too much for us.” Crash watched the pain and loss go through Lauren’s eyes as she told her story. 

“The way the media harped on us, even from the beginning. Everyone that saw us wanted us to kiss to prove that it was real. They wanted us to pose a certain way, oh and heaven forbid we didn’t stand right next to each other in the group shots. The worse part is that we got together during a tour, so there was never time for us to...well be an us. It was always we need you two here. Can you two speak about this?” Lauren clinched her fists at the memories of it all. 

“Lauren you don’t have to tell me this I can see that it is hurting you,” Crash told her as she grabbed Laurens hand and tugged her into a hug now that they had reached the beach. 

“I know that but for some reason, I trust telling you, besides Camila probably told you some of it anyways.”

Lauren laid down the towels she was carrying, “actually she told me I had to ask you about it.”

Crash sat down on the towel after and just stared out into the ocean letting the tide calm her thoughts. Crash was drawn out of her thoughts when Lauren took her shirt off right in front of her. Crash was pretty sure she did it on purpose too when she looked at Lauren and the girl was all smiles.

“Will you play me something?’ Lauren asked as she sat down and adjusted her sunglasses just right.

“Well, I only remember this one song right now. So bare with me through it though it’s a hard one for me.” Crash said as she took the guitar out of the case and got situated. 

Hey Lucy I remember your name  
I left a dozen roses on your grave today  
I’m in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away  
I just came to talk for a while  
I got some things I need to say

Crash can picture Lucy’s headstone, generic as can be because she couldn’t afford anything else. Crash visited it every day when she lived in Cali. 

Now that it’s over, I just want to hold her  
I’d give up all the world to see  
That little piece of heaven looking back at me  
Now that it’s over, I just want to hold her  
I’ve gotta live with the choices I made  
And I can’t live with myself today

Crash couldn’t bring herself to look at Lauren, Crash didn’t want Lauren to see her cry yet again. Crash was trying to figure out what was wrong with herself because every time she was around Lauren the tears seemed to spring from her, it’s like Crash wanted to bare her soul to the world. No one had ever had this effect on Crash except Lucy. Crash turned and sneaked a peek, yep Lauren was crying. Damn it. But her eyes have a curious look to them. What is she thinking?

Hey Lucy I remember your birthday  
They said it’d bring some closure to say your name  
I knew I’d do it all different if I had the chance  
But all I got are these roses to give  
And they can’t help me make amends

No matter how many times Crash went to her grave and talked with her the anger never dissipated, Crash still felt in her heart that it is her fault that Lucy was dead. Crash always knew that her showboating would get her in trouble she just never knew that it would cost her the most precious thing in her life. 

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand   
Me and Lucy were never gonna end  
Just another moment in your eyes  
I’ll see you in another life  
In heaven where we never say good-bye  
Got to live with the choices I made  
And I can’t live with myself today  
Hey Lucy I remember your name

Lauren couldn’t help the tears from streaming down her face or the shock of hearing Crash acapella. Lauren was oddly more attracted to Crash at that moment. Lauren knew that she would never get Crash’s voice out of her head now, it would be stuck there forever. All Lauren could think was that Crash had put everything she felt into that song, the emotions that Crash gave off was what had set Lauren off in the first place. Lauren swore that she almost saw happiness, a calm wash over Crash as she played. Lauren finally saw some clarity in the pained eyes of Crash’s. But as soon as that happiness was there Lauren saw the walls build right back up again. Lauren wondered what exactly Crash was afraid of.

Lauren wasn’t sure what to do at this point. Lauren wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay, that eventually, Crash would be happy again. Lauren figured that Camz and Dinah had probably said that to her a million times though so Lauren thought better than to say the words. Lauren knew she wanted Crash to have all the happiness in the world but wasn’t sure how to go about showing her.

“Lauren? Are you okay? You haven’t moved or said anything in like five minutes.” Crash snapped Lauren out of her thoughts.

“Oh. Uhm...yeah. I’m okay. But just wow, Crash I could literally feel every word that you sang. I don’t know what to say to you tough.” Crash looked at Lauren with a raised eyebrow seeking Lauren to try and explain.

“I mean I want to tell you that everything is going to be okay and that you deserve to be happy. I mean after everything that you have told me I just want to make you happy. I want to see that brightness back in your eyes. I want to see that genuine smile playback across your face. Not the one that you used with all of us the other day at your house, but the one that you just used after you played that song. I want to see that joyful smile. Will you please let me help you?” 

Lauren grabbed Crash’s hand halfway through and was rubbing patterns on the other girl's palm. Lauren couldn’t help herself from blurting everything out. Lauren knew that it would be an uphill battle to get through to the other girl, but at the moment it was all that Lauren wanted to do. Lauren wanted to show Crash that it was okay to go through with caring about someone again. That it would be okay for her to let someone in, to show her how much she was cared for. 

Lauren watched as Crash was deep in thought and looked like she was trying to decide on what to do next. Lauren made the bold choice for both of them and just crashed their lips together. Everything at that moment seemed right, but nothing could prepare Lauren for what was going to happen next.


	6. Chapter 6

Crash was lost in the feeling of lips, hands, and the feel of skin against skin. Crash brought her hands down to Lauren’s waist as Lauren pulled Crash closer by the back of her neck. Crash slowly leaned down onto the blanket pulling Lauren with her, Crash tensed for a second but then relaxed as she found the skin of Lauren’s hips and began to draw patterns not sure how far she really wanted to take this at the moment. Crash was in the need for more contact and flipped the two of them so that Lauren was now resting on her back. Lauren’s hands fell to Crash’s waist and started to play with the hem of her shirt. The two pulled away for a much needed breather and as Lauren caught Crash’s eyes she saw those walls coming right back up over the look of being accepted. Lauren knew that something had just changed in Crash. 

“Sorry babe but...I need to go. I’ll be back.” With that Crash was up and out of Lauren’s earshot before Lauren could get a word out.

“What the hell just happened?” Lauren said out loud getting up and at least trying to figure out which way Crash had gone. One thing was for sure Crash was a fast runner because by the time Lauren got to the open beach there was no one in sight that looked anything like Crash.

Lauren wasn’t sure exactly what to do so she called Dinah as she walked back to where their things were. 

D: Hey Laurenza what’s up?  
L: Hey when are you guys coming back into town?  
D: We are actually already here I am at Camila’s right now. This Miami heat is killer though, why don’t you come over.  
L: I’m actually up at the cabin with Crash. Is Camz next to you?  
D: Yeah holds on we will put it on speaker when we get to her room.  
C: Hey Lauren what’s up?

Lauren started to fold up the towels and snapped the guitar case back closed as she finally heard the girls close Camila’s door.

L: Alright so here’s the deal. I thought that the silence and calmness would help Crash relax a little bit, to help take some of the stress off of her plate. So we   
made it down to the beach after talking and hanging out for a bit. I asked her to play me a song and I am pretty sure that it was about Lucy. And then...  
D: Holy shit! Wait you got her to play and sing? We haven’t been able to do that in like two years now. How the hell did you get her to sing for you?  
L: I had no idea if so I probably wouldn’t have done what I did next then.  
C: It’s okay Lo, just tell us what happened.  
L: Well she might have been taking to long to make a decision. So I kind of kissed her and yeah...

Lauren felt her lips tingle as she walked back to the cabin to deposit their things. Lauren just hoped that Crash would be able to find her way back and know where the cabin was.

D:Awe  
C: Finally.  
L: and yeah we started making out pretty heavy and we were getting handsy as I went to take off her shirt things changed. Crash pretty much flipped out and said   
she was going to go for a run and she would be back later.  
D: Yeah it better have stopped there, I don’t want to hear about your sexcapades Lauren. Crash does that when things are going to good for herself. She tries to   
put distance between herself and any good that could potentially make her happy. Crash does it to anyone that might mean something to her.  
L: Oh...so wait does that mean that she likes me back?

Lauren asked with the biggest smile on her face, as she set everything back inside of the cabin and walked back to the beach. If anything Crash had no idea where she was and Lauren was going to be damned if Crash got lost. 

C: Yeah that means that she likes you on some level and is going to try and make you think that she is no good for you. If anything Lauren don't let her push you   
away, no matter what, keep her close.  
L: When will you guys be on the way?  
C: We are just waiting on Ally and then we will be on our way. Lo just remember to keep her close don’t let her ignore you when she gets back. Crash is going to   
try and give you the silent treatment, but being as it’s only the two of you up there right now she can’t stay quiet forever. Talk to her Lo, make her talk to you.  
L: Alright thanks Camz and I will try my hardest. Dinah thanks for trusting me with her I will try not to break your best friend.  
D: Bye girl, and good luck.  
L: Bye guys.

As Lauren made her way to the beach she found the hammock that was next to the path and decided to lay down and wait. There was no telling how long Crash would actually be. Lauren just hoped that Crash would be alright. Lauren also wondered what exactly Crash was feeling, Lauren wondered if Crash would ever let someone in or at least help her when Crash was feeling broken. Lauren soon dozed off to sleep thinking about how perfect kissing Crash had felt.

 

As Crash came to a place down the beach line and dropped to her knees wondering why she was running, why she was letting one thing ruin everything about her. “Lucy where are you when I need you?”

“I’m going to guess that...Lucy isn’t with you right now then huh?” A small voice came from behind Crash and on instinct she was back on her feet and in a fighting stance, wincing as she did so.

“Woah, Woah, calm down there slugger. I was just trying to help. I mean you were just talking to yourself after dropping pretty much right in front of me. Care to sit down and tell me what’s bothering you?” The woman took off her sunglasses and relaxed back into her beach chair offering Crash to come closer.

“Why exactly would I want to talk to a complete stranger about anything?” Crash crossed her arms but still moved closer to the intriguing woman. “How would that even help me?” Crash turned back to the ocean and took it all in.

The woman shook her head at the antics of the teenager in front of her, “Well you might not believe it but most of the time when you don’t know a person you tend to tell them more than what you would say a best friend. Mostly because they know nothing about who you are or where you come from. Add in the fact that we will probably never see each other again, and the words will just come out whether you like it or not.”

“Yeah. Okay. I guess I can see the logic there.” Crash finally dropped the act and sat down next to the woman and pulled her knees to her chest and dropped her chin to sit atop them.

“So care to tell me what’s bothering you?”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start to tell you the truth,” Crash started to really think about where to start her messed up story with this stranger.

“Why don’t you start with why you were running down the beach till you were out of breath. What or who are you running from?” The woman asked as she took a water bottle out of her cooler and offered it to Crash.

“That in itself is the question I ask myself every day,” Crash took a drink from the water bottle, “I have no idea what I am running from anymore. I just figured if I kept running that maybe I would find it...or her.” 

“Well, that is a good start. At least you realize that you are running from your problems. Now tell me more about who you’re trying to find.”

“My twin sister, but I actually know exactly where she is,” Crash wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Well then why not go to her and talk to her if that is what you need?” The woman asked intrigued by the simple question.

“I moved here to try and get away actually. I thought maybe if I moved to the one place she wanted to go that I would find some sort of peace. Well, I can tell you that it didn't happen, except with one person that makes me feel things that I have never felt before. I mean this girl made me pick up a guitar and sing and I haven’t been able to do either for two and a half years. Yet one look from those bright green eyes and I crumble and do whatever it is she wants me to do, and it’s only been like two months since I have really gotten to know her. I feel more alive with her than I have in a really long time. I just...God...she is, well needless to say I just screwed that up that’s for sure.”

“What happened to your twin?” The woman asked knowing that there was something there.

“Lucy died two and a half years ago, in a car accident that was my fault.” Crash couldn’t hold back the tears as she thought of that night again. “I just had to brag about winning, I couldn’t help but want to piss the guy off. I just loved getting under people’s skins.” 

“Would you care to tell me what happened exactly so that I can have some better light into the situation.”

Crash went into as much detail as she cared to say about the race, the bragging, winning the contest, living their lives, saving Lucy, the crash that she still believed was all her fault and how she could never touch an instrument again. Crash even went so far as to tell the woman about her foster parent situation and how all they ever did was use them for the money. Crash told the woman about how all she ever wanted to do was fight just to feel something again. The woman sat listening actually listening to the words that were coming out of Crash’s mouth and Crash took notice. Crash soaked up as much of her consideration and understanding as possible. 

“Sounds to me like you are searching for acceptance and unconditional love. From what I understand though you already have those in your life you are just choosing to push them away. You have actually put up a barrier knowing that if you don’t let anyone else in then you don’t have to worry about losing them again or experiencing the pain. You run from the situations because that is what you were taught to do. Not everyone is going to be like your foster parents. There are already people in your life that care for you deeply. Dinah sounds like the epitome of a best friend, Camila sounds like she would be right there behind Dinah as well. Now for this Lauren girl, it sounds like you know exactly what you want her to be to you. I am not going to tell you one way or the other what you should do with your feelings for the girl. Just know that I would definitely want you to explore that relationship further. Even if it is just to add to your friends' list I really think that she will help you rediscover who you once were, and maybe even help you on your journey to finding the new you. Trust me when I say that if I had friends like yours I would have felt like I was on top of the world.”

“One last thing. The whole situation with your deceased sister will all be okay I suggest that you go and try to find some closure with her. I think that one thing though that is really important you do is find a way to forgive yourself. There is no way that you could have known what somebody else was going to do. I don’t think you realize it now but something tells me that going after the dreams that your sister set out for you is in some way completing you. I hope that you stay true to her word and continue on making music and trying to help people in a similar situation out.”

Crash never heard the woman get up and leave, so when Crash turned to offer her thanks she just shook her head and smiled. Crash sat and really thought things through until the sun was beginning to set and she was starting to get hungry. Crash started walking back and thought for sure that she was lost when Crash saw the most beautiful sight in front of her.

Lauren looked adorable sleeping in the hammock and Crash couldn’t help but want to capture the moment. Instagram was Crash’s go to and she captioned as: My beautiful little snow white. I wonder if a kiss from a charming individual would wake her or not? @laurenjauregui.

Crash watched a little longer as the moon lit her features perfectly, Crash just wanted to wake her up and kiss her but restrained herself because Crash knew they needed to talk first. Crash went over to the girl placed Lauren’s phone in her pocket and picked the sleeping girl up bridal style. Crash carried Lauren back to the cabin and placed Lauren in her bed and covered the girl up. Crash stayed for a few minutes standing in the doorway trying to figure out exactly what she wanted Lauren to be in her life.

Crash made her way out of the room and down to the living room planning on doing something that she hadn’t done in a very long thing. Eventually, time wore out and Crash was passed out with a guitar in her hand and lyrics written on the papers all around her, with a new song that Crash couldn’t wait to only play for one person.

 

“Dinah no we can’t just go barging in, that is just rude.” Ally said.

“Hoi! It’s just Lauren and Crash. Not like they are going to be doing anything they just met.” Dinah said as she walked in the front door.

Dinah walked in and dropped her bag suddenly scaring the other three girls. “What, what is it, Dinah?” Camila asked going up to where Dinah was standing and looked at the living room area and did the same as Dinah.

“What is wrong with those two?” Ally asked Normani.

“I think it has something to do with the mess that is Crash in the living room.” There are literally papers everywhere and she is passed out on the couch with her guitar still in her hands. 

In the meantime, Lauren had walked out of her bedroom when she heard all the commotion. “Whoa, you guys made it here early what time did Y'all get in and what is wrong with Camz and DJ?” Lauren was rubbing her eyes and looking at her friends like they were crazy.

“Look for yourself,” Dinah said. “This is a scene that I haven’t seen in over two years and it is something that I have been waiting for ever since.” Dinah had tears in her eyes.

Lauren, Dinah, and Camila just stood there looking at the scene in front of them trying not to break down completely and cry. 

“How...when did she start writing again, Laur?” Dinah asked wiping the tears away.

“She must of done it last night after bringing me back home. I didn’t even know I was back home until you guys just woke me up. She looks so peaceful right now though.” Lauren said turning her head a little to the side and admiring Crash’s sleeping form. 

“Anyways guys just leave your bags there. Let’s go in the kitchen and let Crash sleep.” Lauren said showing everyone to the kitchen. 

“So who’s hungry?” Lauren said as she started getting out ingredients to make breakfast.

In no time the girls were talking wildly over each other and just enjoying being around each other with no management around. They were talking about anything and everything when Lauren finally turned her phone on to check the tide at the beach to know if it would be crowded or not. Lauren’s phone blew up with all sorts of notifications, text messages and phone calls.

“Let me guess you posted a selfie last night didn’t you? Lauren you really should stop breaking the internet.” Normani teased.

“Actually I didn’t post anything I haven’t looked at my phone since we got here yesterday,” Lauren said as she went through some of the messages trying to figure out what was going on.

The other girls automatically tried to help her out and then Dinah found the picture and caption that Crash had posted and showed the other girls. “Hoi! Here it is Crash is the reason for your sudden explosion. I do have to say the girl knows how to take a great picture.”

Lauren’s phone started ringing, “and so it begins looks like management wants to know what is going on. The only problem is that I have no idea myself.” Lauren said to no one in particular and just stared at her phone letting it ring. 

“Hey, that is just Crash trust me she probably feels horrible for everything that happened yesterday,” Dinah said as she walked to Lauren and gave her a hug. “This has always been her coping mechanism. You’ll see when she gets up and comes in here she will want to talk to you and fix things.”

“Hey, why don’t we get changed and go down to the beach. We can pretend like we never heard anything from management and just enjoy the rest of the day.” Ally said trying to change the tension in the room.

“Yeah let’s do it.” Camz was super excited to be going to the beach. All the girls just laughed as they got ready and made their way to the beach.

Lauren peeked into the living room as they were leaving and then got the bright idea to contradict the picture of her with one about Crash, she snapped one of her making sure that she got the music sheets in the background. Lauren posted it with the caption: Someone pulled an all-nighter! :) Can’t wait to hear what’s new with the lovely @CrashRodgers.

Crash shielded her eyes as the sun shone nice and bright into the living room waking the sleeping girl up. Crash propped her guitar against the side of the couch and sat up stretching her body from sleeping on the couch all night. Crash wondered where Lauren was because she couldn’t hear a single noise inside the house, Crash did, however, smell food coming from the kitchen and followed her stomach to the smell. 

In the kitchen was a plate of food covered by a napkin with a note saying that everyone was at the beach. All Crash could think was who is everyone? Crash sat down ate her food, showered, changed, dressed some of the scrapes and bruises and went back into the living room cleaning up all the music sheets and putting back into an organized pile. Crash had nothing else to do at that point and decided to try out the new song that she had just wrote to see if it actually flowed. 

 

Made a wrong turn once or twice  
Dug my way out, blood and fire  
Bad decisions, that's alright  
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood  
Miss 'No way, it's all good'  
It didn't slow me down.  
Mistaken, always second guessing  
Underestimated, look I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're less than fucking perfect  
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me

You're so mean (so mean) when you talk (when you talk)  
About yourself. You were wrong.  
Change the voices (change the voices) in your head (in your head)  
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,  
Look how we all make it.  
Filled with so much hatred  
Such a tired game  
It's enough, I've done all I could think of  
Chased down all my demons  
I've seen you do the same  
(Oh oh)

 

After a while, the beach started to get crowded and fans started to recognize the girls so they packed up their belongings and made the trip back to the house. Ally and Lauren were walking together followed by Normani talking on her phone and then Camila and Dinah were screwing around bringing up the rear. 

“So you’re really hooked aren’t you?” Ally asked as she linked her arm with Lauren’s.

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Lauren said it sarcastically but also wanted to know how Ally knew.

“You get this I’ve fallen so hard look. Like no matter what anyone says or tries to do you are going to fight for what you want. Every single one of us has seen this look before with you and Mila. Now even Mila sees it and we just want you to be happy.” Ally gave Lauren a side hug as they were walking.

Lauren dropped her head hoping that her hair would hide her blush not realizing that the other girls had caught up to them. Normani was the first to notice and started to tease Lauren.

“Let me guess our little Lauren was thinking about a very special girl wasn’t she?” Normani smirked as she linked Lauren’s other arm.

“You know that I would slap you if Ally didn’t have a hold of my other arm right?” All three of them burst out laughing.

As they all got closer to the house they heard someone singing and playing the guitar. After they finally got Camz and Dinah to be quiet they listened to the angelic husky voice that was coming out of the living room. All the girls slowly made their way into the house and just stood in the doorway with their mouths hanging open at the beautiful song that was coming from the girl that Lauren was beginning to fall in love with or at least she thought she was.

 

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're less than fucking perfect  
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear  
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer  
So cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try too hard  
And it's a waste of my time.  
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere  
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair  
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time  
Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?

(Yeah! Oh!)  
Oh, pretty, pretty, pretty

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're less than fucking perfect  
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me  
(You're perfect, you're perfect)  
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel  
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me.

 

Crash didn’t know that anyone was there until she heard sniffles coming from the doorway when Crash finally turned that way and saw all the girls she gave them all a small smile and went to hug her girls. The hug turned into a big group hug with Crash in the middle, not going to lie it hurt but Crash was willing to go through the pain.

When everyone finally let go they all say down and all the girls had a million and one questions for Crash, all except for two people and they were being too quiet for Crash’s liking. Crash just kept answering questions and she looked back and forth between the two of them. One with a proud smile like she was ready for Crash to show the world that she could rise from the ashes again. Then there were those green eyes that were just staring crash down and Crash really wanted to know what she was thinking, but Crash guesses she was going to have to wait.

“Wait so when exactly were you going to tell ys you could sing like that?” Normani asked slapping Crash arm and they all watched as she winced.

“Please tell me that you are going to do something with this? Crash you have an amazing voice!” Ally tried getting Crash’s attention.

“Crash thank God that you finally started singing again please tell me that you will be able to go on tour sooner or later. I need to hear that voice again. When did you write that song?” Camila gave Crash a bear hug and again winced this time looking at Lauren and she had a sympathetic look in her face. Dinah looked at Crash like she wanted to know why Crash was flinching so Crash guessed that Lauren hadn’t talked to Dinah a lot yet. Crash was pretty sure the big shiner that no one was talking about was giving it away though.

“Okay, okay Y'all calm down now. I got signed a while ago, but everything happened with my sister and I never got back to singing. So something about recent events has lead me to think that I need to fix things with myself so yeah I plan on releasing some new stuff and see if I even have any fans anymore. Maybe if there is good feedback then I will do a tour and stuff but I have been out of the game for so long I don’t even know if anybody wants to hear me anymore. I have had the song in my head for a while now but I put it with melodies last night.” Crash finished looking down and started fiddling with her guitar.

“Well, I would say that you are definitely still relevant. Just take a look at this.” Dinah said holding up her phone so that everyone could see the comments on Lauren’s Instagram. 

“You recorded it?” Crash asked looking at Lauren.

“Ah...yeah. I mean I hope that it’s okay. I’m sorry I’ll take it down if you want me to. But just so you know all of our harmonizers love it. I mean check your twitter if you don’t believe me.” Lauren said defensively and looked like a toddler that got caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

Crash went over to Lauren and pulled her up out of the chair and hug her with everything she had. “It’s okay you did something for me that probably would have taken me another six months to even think about doing. So thanks.” Crash let go of Lauren and threw my hands up “now let’s have some fun shall we?”

“Yeah let’s do this!” Camz hollered as she jumped up off the couch. “Lauren call everyone and let’s have a party come on it will be fun.”

Lauren looked at everyone and they all seemed okay with it, “Alright let’s do it!”

Just then Crash’s phone rang, “Who is it Crash everyone is here?” Dinah looked confused.

Crash almost couldn’t find the words she hadn’t heard from him in over two years. Why would he be calling now? 

“I’ll be right back guys I’m gonna answer this.” Crash said as she walked outside.

 

“So when are you going to tell us what is going on with you two? You wouldn’t stop staring at her the whole time we were all talking.” Normani said sitting on the arm of Lauren’s chair.

“Yeah I mean it almost felt awkward to sit in here with you two looking like you wanted to devour each other.” Dinah threw in.

“Spill the beans, Lauren. What is up with the two of you? Did anything new happen from last night on the beach?” Camila asked.

“Alright alright. Slow down, guys. Nothing happened after she ran off last night. I fell asleep waiting for her, I remember her picking me up and bringing me back but that was it. The next thing I knew was all of you were standing in the living room gawking at her sleeping on the couch. I would love for it to go somewhere but something tells me that it will take her a little while to get there.” Lauren said not looking at anyone so they wouldn’t see the tear run down her face. Lauren quickly wiped it away as Crash came back in the room.

“So who wants to hear the great news I just got?” Crash nearly yelled plopping down on the couch in between Ally and Camila.

“Well don’t just sit there tell us what it is,” Dinah said.

“You know the tour that you guys just started and one of your opening acts just dropped out of. Well say hello to your new opener and it is all because of Lauren.” All the girls screamed in excitement and tackled Crash on the couch. 

“Now let’s get this party started.” Crash yelled from the bottom of the pile, not wanting anyone to notice that she was freaking out. 

 

As Lauren got ready for the party Dinah came in to talk to one of her best friends. Dinah plopped down on Lauren’s bed as Lauren tried to decide on what shirt to wear. 

“You know if you really want Apple to go head over heels for you walk out there just like that,” Dinah said laughing.

Lauren was standing in her bra and a pair of high waisted jeans right now, Lauren threw a pillow at Dinah. “If you're not going to be any help go bother someone else.” 

“Hoi! I was only joking girl here wear this.” Dinah threw one of my band shirts at me. Lauren gave her a confused look. “Trust me just wear it. Apple has never gone after someone that tries to flaunt their bodies all over the place. Apple likes girls that are more relaxed in a t-shirt and jeans, and we all know that is who you really are.”

“Okay, thanks.” Lauren went ahead and put the shirt on and made sure she looked okay.

“So, what really happened on the beach I need to know everything if you want me to help you,” Dinah said patting the bed for Lauren to join her there.

Lauren laid down next to Dinah, “well we were doing fine she sang me that song and then she sat there thinking for a minute and I just couldn’t help it so I started kissing her. Within seconds she was laying us down on the blanket me on top.”

“Wow, she let you top? That is huge.” Dinah interrupted Lauren. “Continue though.”

“Okay so basically we were heavy making out and she was rubbing circles on my waist and that in itself was...okay yeah you get it anyways I got brave and went to take her shirt off and that is when she flipped us out of nowhere, broke the kiss and said she was going for a run. I have no clue what I did.” 

“Let me just tell you now that you did absolutely nothing wrong. Apple got cut up pretty bad from the accident. Have you noticed that she never wears anything but dark t-shirts and she never changes in front of anyone? I mean when you helped her in the shower that night she wouldn’t let you take her shirt off would she?” Dinah made Lauren relax when she said all this.

“Now that I think about it yeah. Your right. So is she really that bad Dinah or is it just small scars here and there?” Lauren asked curiously.

“To tell you the truth I have no idea she has never even let me see them. I have only seen the absolute worse one and even then it was covered in bandages so I never got a really good look.” 

“Okay well, I guess that explains a lot. I know you know that she fought and that is why I brought her up here. I thought maybe the quiet would help. I want to know more than what you and Camz have told me about her, I really want to know her. The only problem is that I don’t know if she wants the same things or not.”

“Trust me if I know Apple she wants you she is just really scared to let anyone in. Let me talk to her I will see what is going on.”

“Thanks, Dinah! What would I do without you?” Lauren said tackling Dinah in a hug on the bed.

 

The party was in full swing and all Crash could think about was getting away from all the people, why did Crash think that this was going to be a good idea? Crash made sure that the girls were okay and then grabbed her guitar and headed down to the beach to get some quiet. Crash was glad she decided not to drink or she was pretty sure she would have fallen flat on her face by now. Crash found a nice place in the sand and just stared out into the emptiness of the midnight sky. Thoughts of what Lucy would do if she was here started to invade her mind, Crash really wished that she could have seen this place she knew Lucy would have loved it. 

“Lucy man do I miss you. I will come and visit you as soon as I can. I love you my little sugar cookie. Please help me out of this funk I’m in.” Crash wiped the tears from her eyes and started to play : 

I only got myself to blame  
You got me trapped like love is just a game  
I run around, you reappear  
Wish you could tell me what I wanna hear

And all I wanna hear is you wanna get down  
Now I want you to prove it right here on the couch, oh  
All I wanna do is get you to myself, get, get you to myself  
Can't have nobody else, else

So take my hand and make it easy for me  
'Cause it's been hard enough just watching you tonight  
I don't wanna hear your reasons, baby  
We all want the same thing, we all want the same thing  
So take my hand and make it easy for me  
'Cause it's been hard enough just watching you tonight  
I don't wanna hear your reasons, baby  
We all want the same thing, we all want the same thing

Ooh, when you move like that it's awful, baby  
You got a hold on me that I can't deny  
Ooh, coming on like 'get to know me baby'  
Get to know me baby  
Get to know me baby

So take my hand and make me it easy for me  
'Cause it's been hard enough just watching you tonight  
I don't wanna hear your reasons, baby  
We all want the same thing, we all want the same thing  
So take my hand and make me it easy for me  
'Cause it's been hard enough just watching you tonight  
I don't wanna hear your reasons, baby  
We all want the same thing, we all want the same thing

 

Crash heard and smelled her walking up to behind her, Crash knew that she had heard the song. Crash could almost hear the first questions she was going to ask before she even said it. “How did I know that I would find you out here?” 

“Well, I guess you catch on fast. Did you like the song? I know you heard it.” Crash said patting the ground beside her.

“Yeah, it was good. When did you write it?” She asked as she sat down close enough to Crash that their legs were just barely touching.

“I didn’t. I just liked it and it as what I am feeling right now." Crash said and started fiddling with her guitar out of nervousness. 

“Well I really liked it you should sing that one on tour. Along with the other two that I heard you sing.” Lauren took Crash’s hand in hers.

“Uumm, yeah maybe I will. I have a lot more to pick from so it might make the cut. I have a few better than that one I just wanted to sing it to see how it felt.” Crash took the chance and looked into Lauren’s eyes.

“So can we talk about last night or will you run away from me again?” Lauren asked with pleading eyes.

Crash took a deep breath and leaned her guitar against the rock and took Lauren’s other hand in hers. “Look I am sorry about last night. I really truly am.”

“Let me guess it was a mistake. You didn’t mean for it to happen.” Lauren’s eyes started to water, Crash would be damned if she was going to be the reason for Lauren crying.

“No trust me it was not a mistake.” Crash used her thumbs to wipe the tears away as Lauren started to smile. 

“You have got me all confused on the inside. I have never had feelings like this for someone, but we just met Lauren I don’t want to be with you without really being with you. Does that make sense? Like I want to know things about you. I want to know what makes you smile. What makes your eyes shine with happiness. What you see when you look out into the ocean. Where you want to go in life. The places you want to experience. The food you like and the friends you have. Lauren what I want is for us to be together but for us to take it extremely slow. I have never been in a relationship before and I don’t want to ruin someone as amazing as you. I don’t want to take you down with me if I start to self destruct again.” 

Lauren looked at Crash like she had just said Crash was her everything and to tell you the truth she was slowly starting to believe that. Every time that Crash tried to write something last night it was Lauren’s eyes or the words that she spoke to Crash that popped into her head. Crash knew that she needed Lauren close to her, something about what Lucy had said in her dream let Crash know that Lauren was meant to be in her life. Crash wanted Lauren to help her and for Crash that was a big thing to admit even if it was just to herself.

“Don’t worry Crash I’ll be here to catch you when you fall. I’ll even be here for you to lean on when you are down. I want to be there for you. I’m with you that we need to take it slow, but yeah I want to be here for you. I really want to be there for you when you succeed. I mean think about it you get to go on tour with us for the next six months. So come on let’s go celebrate and enjoy our first night together.” Lauren said jumping up.

“Um...well I mean as us being together not like being together. I mean like we can hold hands and stuff if that is okay, or not. I mean whatever you feel comfortable with. Okay, how about we just go get a drink and go from there.” Lauren said blushing.

“I kinda wanted to do something else first if that is okay.” Crash stood up and pulled Lauren closer by the hips, their noses touching and Crash could feel Lauren breathing onto Crash’s lips when she spoke.

“Oh...um yeah I think that would be alright.” Lauren linked her hands behind Crash’s neck playing with the little hairs back there. 

The next thing crash knew was that she was being pulled down to Lauren’s lips in a sweet but passionate kiss almost like Lauren was trying to tell crash something with the kiss. Crash let herself get lost in the feeling that was Lauren kissing her, lost in the feeling of actually being wanted by someone. Now, all Crash had to do was fight the urge to run and never look back. Crash pulled Lauren in deeper as she found herself backed up against a tree, as the bark dug into her back she found her hands slipping inside of Lauren’s shirt and her fingers made patterns on Lauren’s hips. The two were broken apart as Dinah came down the path yelling. 

“Hoi! Break it up you two there will be none of that. Now come on people are starting to get rowdy and I need miss muscles over there to show them the door.” 

“Wow...that was..." Crash couldn’t even finish the sentence. The amount of understanding and lust that Crash saw in Lauren’s eyes told Crash that she had made the right decision on starting to let Lauren in.

“Yeah...I know...” Lauren said just as flustered.

“Come on you two make lovely eyes at each other later,” Dinah said as she pushed them both back towards the house.

Crash grabbed her guitar and Lauren’s hand and made their way back. Lauren looked down at their hands and then back to Crash smiling as Crash had never seen anyone smile before. That was until they got to the cabin and saw the chaos that was going on.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a couple of stories I had wrote separately and combined into one. I felt you guys needed something new from me. Please tell me what you think good or bad. All criticism is welcome.


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